Do you ever feel so anxious that you can’t feel, that your hands are shaking and you can’t stop? When I was little I never experienced this feeling, but as I got older the more I felt like everyone was judging me. I doubted myself and told myself I wasn’t good enough, even if I was very capable of facing this fear. Stage fright is something a singer would loathe to have and I had it, so I wanted to overcome this by auditioning for my school musical.  

Stage fright is the nervousness before or during an appearance before an audience. This is what's common, but for me it was paralyzing. When you love something you want to be confident doing it, instead of having the feeling of someone pushing you away from what you enjoy. Middle school was when it got worse. I never knew what started it since it just appeared in my mind. In sixth grade I auditioned for Alice in Wonderland, and of course I had to sing. I don’t remember much but I knew the rush of nerves up my body, the way I stuttered trying to sing the audition song. I had never felt more ashamed, like everyone was judging me, like the walls were closing in on me.

The day I saw the cast list was when I told myself I couldn’t sing, knowing I got a part I never wanted. All of my effort that I had put in was just wasted to perform in a small group dance, which wasn’t needed in the musical. My mentality got worse, and I would tell myself I couldn’t do it or I wasn’t good enough. I decided to take a break in seventh grade because I knew something was wrong. I usually would forget things that happened to me, but this one stuck with me. Having that gut feeling I couldn’t do what I loved, and whenever I did my heart was gonna jump out of my chest. Taking a break was the best thing I had ever done. Though I felt left out I knew it would help in the long run.

When I saw a big, bright drama club placard in eight grade, I knew that this was going to be the year. I practiced everyday to try and get the role of Teen Fiona for the musical. I would try to sing in front of my parents, but I could still hear voices saying “boo” and “give up” in my head. The one mistake I had made before was choosing the wrong song for my voice, so I tried every song until I could perfect one. Singing at home alone was always my favorite thing to do in my freetime, and I didn’t have to worry about people judging me. I attended all the drama club meetings as I knew this was my last year to perform in a musical. The day of the auditions, I never felt more prepared in my life. I knew that I would do well if I let my nerves go, as I memorized every lyric and every line in my performance. Everyone else was being called to audition, and every time I heard a new name my heart turned into a rollercoaster. Being the last person to go was the most horrifying choice I had made, and my patience was tested. Soon enough they called my name and my legs began to shake, but I walked down into the auditorium. I performed my song and made no mistakes in front of two people, which I never thought I could’ve done. I got so many compliments and it was such a secure and amiable space. Once I left the room the weight on my shoulders had lifted, I had never felt so alive again. 

After a week had passed, I had gotten a notification of the callbacks list, and my name was on it. I was so excited because that meant that my audition went great, and they wanted to see more of what I could do. Callbacks are when you try out for multiple roles the directors think you would succeed at playing. I was called for Fiona and Gingy which were two major leads in the show. I didn’t know I had to sing in front of everyone who got a callback, but I didn’t let that prevent me from fulfilling this task. When I was called I just sang, and my nerves flew away like a butterfly, like I had no care in the world. The day I left I felt so proud of myself with a satisfactory feeling about getting the role I wanted. 

The next couple of days were crucial since none of us knew when the cast list would be posted. Then I saw the email of the list, it was right after an elongated day at school. I saw that my name wasn’t under Gingy or Fiona, but maybe I got teen Fiona? I kept searching and I didn’t get her, I was so upset and it hurt me greatly. In the end, I ended up getting four roles in the show, one being a semi-lead, and another having a solo. I still got to do what I loved and showcased the talent that I had put hard work into. Getting over my fear was just one step into seeing my future.

Overcoming stage fright was one of the best and worst experiences I had to face during middle school. I have learned to face my fears since I have one life, and I’m going to live it the way I want it to be remembered. Fears can come from many things, and conquering them can change your whole perspective on life. The confidence I have gained, and the better I have gotten in the past has shaped me into the person I am today. Without music in my life I wouldn’t have made new friends and discovered new passions. Holding back is never the answer, now I know to never give up, and to never let you stop yourself from doing what you love.