I was silently screaming for help when lying on my floor realizing why tears fell from my eyes. I didn’t know what had happened until looking at my arm. It was covered in blood and hurt. I started crying even harder because it made me feel awful for breaking a promise made with someone very close and important to me. I never trusted teachers with anything until meeting Madame Marsh. Ever since I first met her in 7th grade I have always felt secure with her around or just hearing her voice. I met her two months after I started cutting. I started because I had just recently lost my best friend in a car accident in Texas and my mom had just been brought to the hospital. His accident was caused by a drunk driver who was only 16. I cried for three days straight when finding out that he was gone. He was the only person that knew of how I wanted to be transgender. I felt so dead inside and then the next morning my mom was hospitalized. That was the first time I cut since I made my promise. I kept cutting until four months before school ended that year and I made the promise not to cut or self harm ever again. Then the three people I trusted the most were gone. One had to leave due to work, one had to go because she was hospitalized because she tried carving her heart out and the other one had to leave because he was dead. This lead me to that night. I quietly walked out of my room and went downstairs to the bathroom. No one was awake so I knew I wouldn’t get in a load of trouble for being up so late if I got caught by my Step mom. I looked in the closet and grabbed my hidden razor. I went running back up the stairs and locked myself in my room and not wanting my little sister to get up and walk into my room and notice what I did. I sat on my floor and looked at my alarm clock and realized how late it was. It was 12:42 am. Then I looked at my wrist and cut it well my salty tears fell from my eyes and onto the cuts. I kept going for five minutes straight until the upper half of my forearm was covered with cuts bleeding fresh blood. I laid down under my bed and broke down until I fell asleep. When I woke up I silently let out a squeal and begged for help. I looked at my clock again and cried harder. It was 3:17 am and I was still the only one wide awake. I didn’t fall back asleep and when everyone woke up I hid my room. No one realized anything was wrong because I always tucked myself away in my room until 3:00 pm. I hid my cuts with my sweater that I always wore and packed a bag. I wanted to run away. I didn’t feel at home. I couldn’t even text any of my friends because I didn’t even have a phone. As I packed the bag I started to cry. I stopped and stood still for three minutes and then unpacked the bag. I told myself that running away wasn’t the answer because my little sister needed me and my mom was gonna need me when she got home. I laid on my bed. I grabbed my sketchbook and favorite lead pencil off my end table and started to sketch. I looked at the time. It was 2:17 pm. So I decided to put away my sketchbook and watch a few movies and ended up falling asleep to Finding Dory. I woke up the next day and found my little sister at my door and she said “Let’s go visit mommy!” So we went to the hospital and stayed there with her for two hours before visiting hours were over.