Inspired by “A Sense of Wonder" by John Medina:

A Sense Of Strong

I was standing in the lunchroom the first day of freshman year with no place to go, when all of a sudden, a friend from my band asks if I want to sit with her. Thankfully, I scampered quickly to the table and sat down. My foot went tap tap tap with my nerves. Here comes the hard part. Eating. All I need to do is take a bite and start chewing. How I would get to that part was unclear. As I looked down at the cold grilled cheese sandwich my mom had made me, tears fell down my cheeks. At first, my friends didn’t know how to react with realizing I just got out of treatment the Friday before school started. With an unsure voice my friend spoke. “I know you can do this, Rose. You're not the girl you were before.” I looked up at her while I was still shaking from sobs. The sandwich was raised to my lips and a small crunch came next. My friends all smiled and were soon relaxed. Strong smiles simply stretched across my face. 

Though taking a bite is hard, and finishing it is even harder, that will never stop this recovery journey I am on. I no longer wanted to be the girl who believed the sandwich was bigger than her. The thrill of excitement you get from friends and family after you have conquered yet another fear food. Food doesn’t control us, we control the food. We are the ones who decide what to eat based on what we want, it’s not their rules with their BIG scary calories trying to scare us off. The best feeling in the world is knowing that you are capable of doing something amazing. That you are no longer that weak girl not much bigger than her skeletal system. She overcame this. Sorry, I overcame this. 

Instead of fighting to be that girl just to make myself smaller why not fight to be that girl who is happy and kind and smart and beautiful. The girl who knows her worth. After realizing that, I don’t know why anyone would ever want to be the other way. Recovery is long and hard, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. It is the only choice you have to live and to not only survive, but thrive in this place we call Earth. Now I no longer fear to stand in the lunchroom.