The news hit me like a boulder. I never would’ve saw it coming. It felt like my heart was being ripped to pieces as I bawled my eyes out. She was always so happy and smiling. Everything seemed normal. I just didn’t understand. I never thought her mind would be that dark.

In middle school, I had a very close friend. Her name was Destiny. We were always joking around and having fun. No matter what, Destiny was always making the best out of every situation. Over the summer going into 8th grade something happened. Destiny moved and we drifted apart. I still followed her on social media and we would message each other every once in a while. After winter break, I got so busy that I would never talk to her. On social media, she was always posting selfies of herself with inspiring quotes. She seemed happy. In April, everything took a turn for the worst.

I was on my way to my cousin’s birthday party and my mom was driving me and my brother. All of a sudden, my mom’s phone started ringing.

“Hey!”, my mom exclaimed, with a bright smile on her face. A few moments later her expression completely changed. She went from as happy as can be to very serious.

“Gracie,” my mom said, concerned, “do you know anyone named Destiny Gleason?”

My heart dropped. I knew something was wrong.

I responded, nervously, “I do.”

My mom quickly put the phone back up to her ear.

“Yeah, she does. Thanks for letting me know,” My mom mumbled as she hung up the phone.

I started shaking. I didn’t know what was going on and I had a feeling something bad happened to her. I could hear my heart beating out of my chest as it drowned out the noises of all the cars roaring by.

“Momma, what’s wrong with Destiny?” I asked anxiously, breathing heavily.

My mom took a deep breath with tears in her eyes.

“Destiny committed suicide,” she whispered.

At that moment I knew I would never been the same. I didn’t understand. I was so confused. Destiny was always so positive and bright. I couldn’t wrap my brain around the thought that she was so sad and depressed that she thought committing suicide was the only answer. I felt my heart shatter. I sobbed uncontrollably for the next hour, as we continued to drive to my cousin’s house. Apparently, my mom gave the whole family a heads up as to what happened so when I arrived, I looked like I was a walking, dark, gloomy cloud. Everyone came up and hugged me. I spent the majority of the night upstairs in one of the bedrooms because I didn’t want to ruin the party. Little did I know that this would change the way I saw things and thought about things forever.

The next week at school, I spent the majority of my time in the counselor’s office because I couldn’t stop crying and thinking about the friend I lost. Soon enough, I got back to class and started working hard again. When people make jokes about suicide I take that to heart because it personally hurts me to this day. I think about Destiny all the time. I try to think of the positive times but then I realize she’s gone. I think of how hurt I was when I discovered she passed away. Every year on the anniversary I spend all day thinking about her, wondering what everything would be like if she was still here, but she isn’t. When I am thinking about her it is like opening a deep wound, it hurts and it doesn’t stop for a long time. It feels as if my heart is being ripped out of my chest. Whenever I get upset about her, I stop everything for a moment, take deep breaths, and know she’s happier and is in a better place.

Yes, every once in a while I still do get very upset about what happened to her. I often visit Destiny’s brick in remembrance of her at Heartland Park. It has been 3 years since her passing and I have grown so much from that experience. I am happy she is in a better place now where she is happy and not living through the torture she did when she was with us. I learned that you can’t be expecting everything. Sometimes the darkness of the mind can be hidden so well that you would never know it was there until something tragic happens. The darkness of the mind can also be passed along as an attempt to get rid of it but it doesn’t always end the greatest. A huge part of the person I am today is because of that experience but I just wish she didn’t have to go so soon.