There is a guy that I know who I envy more than anything. If I had one wish, it would be to live his life. He has so many friends while I am always lonely. He is always smiling and laughing and I’m crying in a corner. He doesn’t have problems with “teen depression.” He has a beautiful girlfriend who loves him so much. This guy is varsity in his sports and even though he doesn’t have straight A’s, he will be successful. His family loves him very much and I’m having a hard time finding mine. Right now I’m trapped. Alone. Cold. 

I don’t know why I feel like this. Sometimes I wanna let go but I'm too afraid of where I’ll go. That guy goes to church and I’m sure he prays every day and reads his bible. He isn’t tempted like a natural person. Why should he? He has an iron will. I see him hanging out with people who genuinely enjoy his presence and now I wonder if people stay with me because they feel bad. 

I understand how boring this must sound. A teenager being sad doesn’t sound like anything important. Tears come to everyone but mine don’t ever come out. Bear with my sadness. 

It’s hard to describe this guy. So many people like him and he doesn’t have any enemies. I’ve never seen him act out or do anything bad so I can't even find dirt on him. My anger is my jealousy. I seem to be the only one who isn’t his friend. 

He has light brown hair and eyes that can shift from green to blue. He has perfect teeth and so much charisma. I am ugly. I wish I was perfect. Some people are just born perfect I guess. 

He has a bright spirit and a bright future. I was born with a dark heart and a broken mind. When I look in the mirror, I see who I am but not who I wish I was. Why can't my smile shine? Why can't I keep with the trends and obey the rules that it takes to be cool? I asked for help and instead got a question, “What are you talking about?” my best friend said riddled with confusion. 

You see…

that guy…

that boy…

He is Me. 

I am him. I envy my own image. I don’t even know who people think I am. I’ve covered myself with a fake face plastered with my tears that my true thoughts have been locked far away. 

I have so many friends but for some reason, feel lonely. I smile so much and still don’t know why I cry. The truth is I DO have the sadness all teens feel. I have a beautiful girlfriend who loves me so much and I am terrified to lose her. I’m in varsity but feel worse than everyone else. I don’t have straight A’s and I’m sure if I tried I could succeed. My family loves me very much but I have a hard time believing that anyone can love me. I’m trapped. Alone. Cold. 

I have light brown hair and eyes that sometimes shift from green to blue. I’ve heard I have perfect teeth and a lot of charisma and yet, I still feel ugly. I wish my smile shined as people say. I wish I said my prayers. But the truth is that nobody is born perfect. 

The worst part of this is that everyone feels this. It is in the nature of a teenager to feel alone and unloved when the truth is, we are all loved. Next time you look in the mirror with tears in your eyes, wipe them off. Write down your feelings so that when you are done you feel clean. Scream. Punch. Curse the existence of humanity. But don’t leave. This world needs love to give and if we lose some of our warriors to spread the warmth of love, the world can get very cold. 

My final wish is that you, reader, know you are loved. If you are alone, you have someone. Anyone. Never lose hope and be your idol. No more wishing, live your dream, you beautiful person.