High school: the land of new opportunities, new friends, and new fear. Fear, what a discouraging word. The fear that surrounds our lives is haunting. Fear follows us wherever we go; it clings on to us like leeches. It is so strong that it starts to consume our bodies.  Every turn we take fear is on the other side. The idea of fear latches onto us and makes us unable to do things that we wish we could do. The fear that surrounds our lives is haunting. High school and fear go hand in hand.  High school is the battleground of fear. Fear started eating at the back of-of my neck and started tearing down my spine. Every move I would make would be out of fear. Fear consumed my life and I didn't know how to stop it. Sophomore year is when it all started. The first year I ever became a leader to my fellow high school friends. How am I going to do this?

When you hear the term H2O you automatically think of water however on a deeper meaning, what does the term stand for? Humble to one is the second definition. H2O is the Christian club at my school. What once started as a club of three my freshman year flourished into a club of twenty-three.

You might ask yourself why would a girl with so many fears and doubts be interested in leading a club? To be honest, I did not ever want to do this. It's actually quite a funny story. It all started with my older sister, Noelle. When Noelle transferred, she was terrified. She decided that the only way she was going to make friends was by joining a club. Someone told her about the Christian club H2O and that was the only club that got her attention. When Noelle attended the club only two people were a part of it. Noelle and the president Grace, that was all.

The only reason I knew about this club was because of my sister. H2O was like a “secret club” at least that's what it felt like. Absolutely no one knew about this club, or as a matter of fact, even heard of it. I decided to join the club and follow in my sister's footsteps.

When I started freshman year, Grace was still the President and the club had pretty much the same number of members. She was about to graduate and the club was going to die if no one stepped up to lead it. I remember that my mom thought it would be a great idea for me to lead H2O. I would always avoid the topic when she would bring it up. The person who really encouraged me to do it was Nick, my youth pastor. He is not my mom, so I, therefore, could not change and avoid the subject. I thought to myself I mean I guess I could lead H2O only three people go it won't be that hard. Little did I know that the club would flourish and grow the year I was leading.

The first Thursday of sophomore year will forever be stamped in my brain. I hear a slight “tick tock” and I slowly turn to look at the clock. One more minute! The sweat is fearlessly rushing down my face like a stream. Finally 3:15 a weight is lifted off of my chest. The anticipation of waiting came to an end. The rush of insane teenagers running to get home makes it nearly impossible to get up to the third floor in time. Finally, I make it trying to catch my every breath. My palms are sweaty and my arms are heavy. A315 is where it all started. I sit down and wait. I only thought a few kids would show up. I look around the circle and see faces that I have never seen before. Fear and doubts consumed my body I felt stuck I could barely talk. What was I doing I'm not equipped to be a leader my thoughts were rushing like a stream. I tried to think positive but all I could do was underestimate my faith. I turn to Gia, the only familiar face I see. She flashes me a bright smile and I start to feel a little better. Gia stood by my side throughout this whole new and scary journey.

I look at the clock and it reads 3:20. He should be here by now. What if I have to do this alone how will I ever get the group to listen to me? I try to settle down the group of ten but no one hears me my voice is washed out by the sound of laughter. I feel a tight painful knot forming in my throat. I drink water and it only gets worse. Hold it back, you can't do this now, stay strong don't let them see that you are weak. I felt the lump getting bigger and bigger.

Suddenly as fast as it appeared it vanished like the laughter in the room. How did it become so silent so what happened? It was so quiet you could drop a pin and hear it fall to the cold tile floor.

The sound of footsteps come closer and close the handle on the huge red door lets out a screech of pain my head whips to see who is coming in. My heart stops as peace rushes through my whole body starting from my fingertips down to my toes. Finally, I see him. We lock eyes as they sparkle a secret message only I would understand. He rushes into the room as a shadow of pure joy follows in his footsteps.

I feel comforted by his presence; peace filled my body and overflowed out of me. I swiftly felt as peaceful as a spring sunset. My thoughts were just as fast as Niagara Falls. I was trying to wrap my head around the concept of how did my emotions just changed. The overwhelming never-ending peace filed my entire body. The negativity was whipped away from my body.

H2O officially started. When Nick walked into that room he made me feel safe. He must have had some superpower because right after he walked in the whole mood of the club changed. “Hey, guys what's up I'm Nick the youth pastor of South Park Church.” He did it, how did he break the tension so fast. That whole hour Nick was doing all the talking. I said a word here and there but I wasn't talking as much as a president should. Finally, after a long hour, the meeting ended.

Now, remember this was the first year that I was president of H2O and it started as a bumpy journey. The first few weeks were a train wreck. I would walk into A315 and depending on the Thursday, the number of kids would differ from four to ten. I would walk in and the same thing would go down, I could basically by now predict what would happen at this point. I would walk in and I would feel scared but a slight halo of peace swiftly followed behind me. I finally managed to get the attention of the members it only took me a month, but I was proud of how I didn't give up even in the hardest times. After a few weeks, I finally became comfortable with leading my own club. I walked into being a president and leader blindly. I had no clue how to lead a group of high school teenagers. I was a sophomore leading kids who were older than me seniors started to look at me differently and started to look up to me. The fear of leading H2O never once left my body I just now knew how to deal with it.

It felt like handcuffs both tight and painful the squeezing sensation was suffocating the beating in my chest was so powerful it could break a window I started to stumble every step I took My whole body felt like jello. May 17 will be forever burned in my memories. Every year H2O has an end of the year party right before finals week as a bit of encouragement. We have pizza and play games it is truly a time to relax and breathe. I advertised that very last meeting so much that fifteen people showed up to eat pizza and have fun. Gia and I didn't recognize half of the people that showed up. That was one of the most stressful meetings that I have ever had to lead alone. I tried to get the attention of the members, but this one obnoxious boy would not stop talking. I tried being as nice as I could be to him because he was new, but I cracked.  He mocked me and my club and that's when I had it, I cracked as fast an iPhone hitting the cold ground. The knot suddenly appeared out of nowhere I was about to break. I was shaking and breathing fire. Thankfully Gia was at this meeting she saw that I was struggling and had my back. She stood up for me when I couldn't talk, and when I finally did I felt my powerful voice develop. May 17 was the day I got a voice.

Flashforward a year and I finally broke through the tight and painful handcuffs that were once squeezing my throat. I did it! Junior year was the best year that I have ever experienced. This was my second year of leading H2O and I now knew how to control a crazy group of teenagers. I was soaring as president. Twenty-three kids at a single meeting is a record for H2O. That day when all twenty-three kids showed up I felt at complete peace there were no handcuffs holding me back, instead, a halo of peace was sounding me. Nick eventually stopped coming to every meeting because he saw something in me. He knew that I had the power to lead this club he knew that even if I felt discouraged I would not give up he knew that I had everything in me to be a leader. I broke through the handcuffs.  

High school: the land of new opportunities, new friends, and new fear. Fear what a discouraging word. Fear is something that so strongly holds us back from soaring. Handcuffs tighten and held me back for the longest time because fear is a liar. After the flood of tears, the sun eventually came out and evaporated all my fears. Fear will take your breath away because fear is a liar.