Secrets: something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others. My family has had a lot of secrets and it takes the death of a family member for those secrets to be brought to light. I remember the exact day one of our family secrets was revealed.

 It was a Saturday, during the summer before I would return to school as a seventh grader. I was in my room, scrolling through facebook, when my mother came to my door with tears in her eyes. “Your sister died.” She had said, tears now streaming down her face. I was confused. Sister? What sister? My sister was in her room right next door, what the heck is she talking about, I had thought.

    “Gloria is dead.”

    “Gloria? Gloria who?”

 “Gloria, aunty Nu’s daughter.” My mind was trying to comprehend all that she was telling me. My cousin, who I hadn’t seen in two years, is dead? I didn’t think too much of my mom calling her my sister, because all islanders call their cousins brothers and sisters. I was in shock, wondering what had happened, my mind lost in my own thoughts, when my mother, again, cut through my train of thought.

“You know, I never told you guys this, but Gloria is your guys’ real sister. You guys share the same father.” Wait… what? My sister was now standing besides my mother, her face expressing immense confusion.

    “What are you talking about mom?” My sister, Lehualei, and I asked in unison.

My mother never told us the full story until later. We went to family meetings for the funeral and other family members would stare at me. The adults had already known about it, but the rest of our cousins had just found out. The adults and some of our other cousins pointed out the similar features that Gloria and I shared. I went through that period of time confused, I was mourning the death of my cousin-sister and regretting the fact that I never got to be sisters with her while she was alive.

 A year or two later, my mom finally decided to tell us the full story. We were driving to Sand Island, the place we regularly camped at, when she told Lehua and I the story. “You guys want to know the story of me and your guys’ dad?” I wasn’t really paying attention because she had told us countless times before how they met and how he chased after her, blah blah blah, all that shebang. Lehua, on the other hand, was all ears.

“Well, you guys already know, we grew up on the same island and we went to the same school. But, what you guys don’t know is how we actually got together. I never liked your guys’ dad when we were younger, he was the one that chased me. Ever since elementary school! He always told everybody that he was going to make me his wife. But, me, I was busy with school. I wasn’t interested in relationships at that time because I was more focused on my studies. He kept trying to make me his, but I said, ‘no, leave me alone.’ He went to Salem to finish school and I went to Guam. While in Guam, I heard that his father had arranged for him and Aunty Nu to get married. Aunty Nu and I used to be best friends, but I never knew that she had always had a crush on your guys’ dad. I was surprised, but didn’t think too much of it. I, too, at the time, had a boyfriend that was in the navy. Your guys’ father was still stuck on the idea of marrying me, though. He contacted me and told me that he wasn’t going to marry her and that it was all his father’s idea. He told me that he was going to come get me from Guam and bring me back to be his bride, instead of Aunty Nu. So, he did. He came to Guam, but I didn’t want to go with him. I told him that I didn’t want to marry him and that he needed to leave. When my relatives heard of what he had done, they got the wrong idea. They thought that I was trying to sabotage their marriage and then they started calling me names and spreading rumours. They even alienated mama and mama yana. After I heard what they were doing to mama, I got mad. I was like, okay, they want me to be the bad person, I’ll be the bad person then. I left with your guys’ dad to Hawai’i, gave birth to AJ, and then Wiwiann, but your guys’ dad’s family still didn’t approve of us being together. They still wanted him to be with Aunty Nu. Your guys’ dad went to stay with his family in Chuuk and I suppose it was then that he got Aunty Nu pregnant. He always denied that she was his child, but we all knew. Plus, she looks just like you guys. Especially you, Wiwiann. There was a lot of family drama and things are still awkward, so don’t go around telling this story, okay?”

“Oh my gosh, mom, your life could be the story line of a korean drama,” Lehua said. We had stayed quiet the whole time. I stayed quiet because I was shocked that my mother was actually telling us things that she usually wouldn’t, more so than the story of Chuukese people being Chuukese people and doing Chuukese people things. I had already known that we had a lot of half siblings, but I didn’t think that our cousin Gloria would be one of them. Every time I thought of her, I would feel guilty. Guilty because I never knew her as my sister and guilty for the times we could’ve spent together. But, most of all, I hated my father. He had done many things to make me hate him, but this one was the worst to me.

I think a lot of parents don’t think too much of the effect that their actions have on their children. My mother probably thought that she wouldn’t have to ever tell us that Gloria was our half sister and my father probably thought his pull out game was strong. Yeah, no.

That family secret has affected the way I look at family, love, and many other things. I lost all of the little respect that I had left for my father and I stopped being nice to his side of the family. I held a grudge against them for a little while. Not anymore though. Secrets are really eye opening. Through that secret, I learned a lot of things. I learned that even family can turn their backs on you, I learned to be nicer to my cousins and to spend more time with them because, who knows, they could be my half sibling, and most importantly, I learned to choose your husband wisely.