He broke me. He made me feel special then ended it quickly. Jacob was my first ​real
boyfriend. And my first love. And my first heartbreak. He genuinely made me happy even though I struggled with depression. Searching for happiness in someone else was my biggest mistake. From my first heartbreak, I have learned that, while relationships may make a person feel loved and appreciated, one must first find his or her purpose on their own without relying on someone else.

When I first met Jacob, I wasn’t looking for a relationship at all. I was attracted to him from the second I saw him at school, but his looks weren’t enough to persuade me to begin dating again. What got me was his personality. I tried to push him away into the “friendzone,” but I couldn’t. No matter how many times I tried to ignore him, I always thought about him. Jacob would text me every night, and I would always try to end the conversation, but it was impossible. Him and I had this connection. Our conversations flowed naturally. Even before getting to know each other, we were comfortable expressing our opinions and teasing each other. Jacob and I connected, and neither of us could resist that. Because I was always told that true love comes when you least expect it, I assumed this was going to be true love.

For a while, everything was perfect. In fact, our relationship seemed almost too good to be true. Jacob made me feel like I was a princess, not just with his words but with his actions as well. I fell for the way he treated me, and for the way he cared for his baby nephew, and for the way he loved dogs. Jacob ​was​ the most perfect boyfriend, and this was our fairytale.

   Or so I thought...

After a year and three months of contentment and security, things began to change when I received some bad news. I had found out that my grandfather’s cancer was exacerbating, and to make things worse, the doctors said he would only be with us for a few more months. Because I had never lost anyone close to me due to cancer, I wasn’t sure how to handle the information. For a while, I pushed the news aside and prayed things would get better. Then, I saw my grandfather in person, and I realized he couldn’t even eat without vomiting. At that point, I knew I was going to lose him soon, and I was devastated.

   Because Jacob was my best friend and someone I confided in when I was struggling, I cried to him about my grandfather. With other problems, he was able to comfort me and help me by the end of the discussion, but this situation was way worse. Even after venting, I was still upset. While him comforting me helped, Jacob could not fix this problem. Before me, Jacob did not know anyone with depression personally, so trying to comfort me only frustrated him because he did not know how to help.

I knew this wasn’t his fault, and I didn’t blame him. Instead, I hid my feelings. Apparently, he still noticed a change in my behavior. Jacob said I wasn’t as giggly as before, and he wasn’t too pleased with this.

   So, he broke up with me...

Jacob left me randomly without a heads up. For so long, I wondered what I did wrong. His only reason was because I was sad. I was confused; out of everyone that I have ever confided in, I really thought Jacob would have been the one to stay. Afterall, he was the one that helped me gain confidence in myself.

   The breakup was completely unexpected. On Friday, October 26, 2018, Jacob picked me up from school so we could hang out. I was extremely excited the entire day, and I looked forward to seeing him because it had been about a week and a half since I had seen him last. When I walked out of school, I noticed Jacob leaning against his shiny, red sports car with a huge smile on his face. Joyfully, I ran up to him and wrapped my arms around him tightly for about three minutes. Then, he drove me home. We held hands the entire drive and had a few small conversations, but for the most part, we just cherished each other’s presence.

When we pulled into my driveway, I grabbed my bag and opened the car door, expecting him to follow me inside.

   “Wait. Sumer, can we talk?” Jacob said.

I sat back down expecting him to remind me how much he loved me, but then I looked in his eyes and realized this talk wasn’t going to be good. He told me that because I was distant and upset, he lost feelings and wanted to just be friends. Instantly, my heart dropped, my stomach wrenched, and my throat tightened as I tried to hold back my tears. I was speechless.

I tried to fix things and, I promised to be better, but he didn’t want to try and make things work. He gave up on me. I had lost the person I thought I would end up marrying. He watched as tears rolled down my face and didn’t ask how I felt or if I was going to be okay. So, I ran inside.

On my way inside, I knew I couldn’t let him go this easily, so I turned around. I called out his name as I saw him pulling off, and I ran back to him. When I approached his car, I asked him to step outside for a moment. I didn’t try to change his mind because I knew he was unhappy. Instead, I gave him the biggest hug ever and rested my head on his chest, thinking this was going to be the last time I’d ever smell his Nautica Blue cologne. Then, I kissed him... To my surprise, he kissed me back, but he pulled away as soon as our lips touched. To me, that last kiss meant everything, but to him, it was nothing at all.

   “I will always love you, Jacob,” I said as a tear rolled down my face, then I walked away.

He said it back under his breath, but I knew it wasn’t true. If you can spend a year and a half with someone and make all of these plans for a future and then leave them when times get tough, then you never loved them. You don’t give up on people you love. You don’t “lose feelings” for someone simply because they are upset if you truly love them.

After the breakup, things began to go downhill. I gave up on myself, on school, on friendships, on sports. Everything that once meant so much to me, seemed pointless. It wasn’t that I could not live without Jacob, it was that I didn’t want to. I thought Jacob was my future, and without him, I believed that I didn’t have a future.

   For months, I wasn’t interested in anything. But then I began to see things from a different perspective. After the heartbreak, I found myself. I realized I deserve better. I accepted the fact that Jacob wasn’t the one for me, and I have learned to move on and not hold grudges. From my first heartbreak, I have learned to never depend on someone else to be happy. From now on, I will find true happiness on my own, then, I will find someone to share that happiness with.