Another Year goes by, I get more mature and new feelings that I never experienced so much before, feelings that I wish I never had. The sadness, the dispair, the anger those feelings came and hit me like a rock. I could felt like I was drowning as I sank to the bottom of the sea. I could tell that some of my friends now seemed to dislike me,  they didn't want me part of their life. My friends broke up into different groups and I would awkardedly try to stay with all of them. Now I would only smile on the outside as I thought I dont understand you. I would observe as my friends split up slowly. I could see the pictures of them hanging out  on social media or in a group without ever even inviting me. Now I feel more like a shadow but I just couldn't blame them. I wanted to believe that I wasnt doing anythign wrong or ruining their life somehow. Yet deep down I knew it was my fault. I had thoughts of sucide multiple times thinking how easy it would be as I cry myself to sleep. Life felt hard as video games were a change, a different life. Yet it was only temporary a distraction from reality but still I wanted to play. I just can't wait until I hit the next stage of growing up and meet new people and start over where I can forget my past.