I am not going to start off with “Dear friend…” even though that book is amazing. I want to start off with I am a wallflower. No, I am not a flower on the wall that you see on old buildings because that is what I thought it was at first. Don’t judge me. A wallflower is a type of personality. A wallflower is a person that is shy and awkward. For example: Going to a party.You’re not the social butterfly that goes to talk to everybody, and can be in big groups and wants to do all of the activities. You’re the one that sits in the corner and stares at what everybody else is doing. You just observe and be quiet. It is the person that doesn’t have many friends. You’d rather stay home and read, draw, watch tv, or sleep rather than go to social gatherings.

The word “social” to a wallflower is forbidden. You like being alone, not all of the time, but most of the time. You would think a lot when going to social events. You don’t focus on the main event, you just think about other things because who would want to go to an event where you don’t know anybody, and there are only adults there? I know it ‘s boring, so it makes sense to just think.You would think of stuff like “What are we having for dinner? I know we just got here, but when are we leaving? What am I going to do tomorrow? What should I do for my next art project? When is that new movie coming out? Oh my gosh, I wonder what’s going to happen in the next week’s episode of Gotham? I could be doing better things right now like sleeping or watching Netflix than be here.What would my life be like right now if I had a million dollars?” so yeah, we think of a lot of stuff, and sometimes overthink.

A wallflower also does not like attention, we will literally throw a sheet over our face so nobody will notice us. Unfortunately, we aren’t Harry Potter and we can’t make ourselves disappear with the invisibility cloak, but we wish that was real. Now, this is a big warning when you meet a wallflower: When we’re finally comfortable, we will smother you with love and talk too much. Hey, I mean I guess we should have a t-shirt saying “WARNING WHEN MEETING A WALLFLOWER: shy and awkward at first, but once you get to know me, I am funny, kind, sarcastic, and I will annoy you for the rest of your life by talking.” Yeah, that would be a great t-shirt. When it comes to social gatherings, if someone does try to talk to you, you’ll truly find out if they can handle you or not. Social gatherings, great, my favorite thing. I love to go to a place with a group of people I don’t know. Then it gets worse when someone does try to talk to you, and you probably feel like, “great, another human coming to talk to me. It is going to be another awkward conversation just like any other with an adult.” If it is a short talk like the traditional “Hello. How are you? How’s school? What grade are you in? Do you know what you’re going in for college?” Then an awkward 5 minutes of silence. Then that person makes an excuse to get out of the conversation. Then you feel like, “That was fun. A for effort.” Then there are people that will keep asking you questions and don’t give up, and you the wallflower are starting to be comfortable. When you do meet anybody like that, then you, my friend have found a great person to hang out with. It is a big world out there, and it is a crazy adventure to find weirdos like you, so once you find them, never ever let them go.

So that’s a wallflower, and I am one. I think a lot, but I don’t say much. Just because I don’t say anything in class or in life doesn’t mean I don’t listen or I am not smart because I am quite intelligent. See I just used the word “quite” that means I am smart. I am more of a listener and observer. It’s because I am just shy. I have always been shy. I think I have been shy from second grade till now. I’ve never had the confidence to go talk to random people and make friends at social gatherings or in school. It was harder for me in school than most normal people, but I think we can all say I am not normal. When my family or friends wanted to do something and go out, guess what I wanted to do? If you thought I didn’t want to participate in anything, then you are correct.  I am just really shy. I would rather watch my friends or family do the activities and have fun. I promise I am not creepy, for some reason I have more fun observing than doing the actual activity, which is kind of sad. I also don’t like sharing my opinion because what if people are thinking a different way of the same subject, and I am wrong, but it turns out I was right. I also don’t like to share my opinion because I am always afraid I am going to end up offending someone, or say the wrong thing and get in trouble. I never had a voice. I have a voice when I write though.

When it comes to not sharing my opinions, it would be in English class, and there was always a warm-up, and it was a question that always made you think. I always thought of the question to myself, but I never shared my opinion to the class, but apparently my opinions were right. I either private messaged my teacher, or I would talk to my teacher after class, and she would agree with me. Then  we would talk for almost an hour, and we would get off topic. By the way, I do online public school. I wish I had that confidence to talk to my classmates and share my opinions like I did with my teacher, but I didn’t. I am like “Darn it. I should have told everybody my opinion. Wait, is it too late? Five minutes later. I am the one that said… Yeah no, it’s too late.” Right now my mood is the song “If I could turn back time” by Cher because if I could turn back time and say what I needed to say, I would.

I bet you can tell I don't have many friends, well you’re right. Don’t feel bad for me. It did suck sometimes because there was one year, I think it was fourth grade, where it was really hard to make a new friend, but somehow I made 3 or 4 friends. It is hard for me to make friends not just because I am shy, but also I am just picky. I feel like when you meet a person, you get this vibe or connection that you’re going to be friends or not. Every school year, I was able to make one friend at least. I was happy and satisfied. Let me tell you why, I would rather have one friend for the rest of my life, a friend that understands me, I can feel comfortable around and be myself, and be honest with versus having 6 or 10 friends that are fake. All you do is talk to them when you’re bored, or you have nobody to talk to, so they are your last choice. I don’t like that. 

There are disadvantages and advantages of being a wallflower, and for me, I have a big disadvantage because I am afraid of sharing my opinion, and I can’t be myself in front of everybody because I am so shy.It would be nice if people saw my true character, and not see me as the shy kid. I think good advantages of being a wallflower are that even if you are shy and weird, the people that are with you today love you and respect you for you, they accept that you are a wallflower, and you are sensitive and kind, unlike most people. I am in 12th grade now, and I still do that. I still get shy when it comes to social events or sharing my opinions. It takes time getting to know me. What sucks is people judge right away, and they’re not willing to make an effort to get to know who I am. They judge too quickly instead of being understanding. Who cares, I know who I am, and it is there lost because they just missed out on meeting an incredible person. I am talking about me. Well, I guess all of you wallflowers out there too. I am sure all of you are incredible.

     I’ll just let you on a little secret, if you ever meet a wallflower, never let us go. Yeah, we are shy, sensitive and weird, but we are also caring and when we love someone, we do it with all our heart. If someone asks for a soda, we would give them a two-liter because we don’t know how to love small. When you are my friend, I will never leave you alone and I’ll keep talking. Hey, you signed up for this friendship thing, not my fault. When it comes to your birthday or holidays, I kind of go overboard and do a lot of things. I am the type of person that never expects anything to be given to me and gives everything else because if you expect something and don’t get it, you get upset, and that has happened a few times to me.

Anyways, I am getting off topic. In the end, so what if you are a wallflower, and you’re shy. That’s who you are, and you should be proud of it. It does take time to gain confidence, even I am still working on it, but once you stop caring what everybody thinks of you, and start sharing how you feel, and do what makes you happy, you feel so much better about yourself. You can still be the wallflower, but also with a pinch of confidence. Don’t be ashamed if you are a wallflower like me because hey, you’re special! I’d rather write, draw, go on Pinterest, watch Netflix, and hang out with my friends than hang out with random strangers and go to social events. Just be the weird, kind, quirky, beautiful, awkward person that you are. Just be a wallflower.