The time is 1:53 AM and I can’t hand in the same memoir as I once had. The house now has a cold chill from the events that just took place.

About twenty minutes ago I was asleep in my bed.  My body reacted to the world ambulance and the two hours of sleep now feel like a red bull. I hazily see my sister standing in place while my mom heads for her room. Even though I peeled the thick comforter off of my skin the hot sensation hasn't left. I check from family member to family member checking who was okay and I heard the rounds of moans. My mind is blank but my feet were fully functional as they carried my body into my grandmother's room. My father stood at the door with his head switching from my grandma to my mother; he’s half asleep. The question was yelling at me in my head,” how do you comfort this woman, this woman who is almost eighty who you have never seen react this way to pain and you can not be a seventeen year old girl right now”. The questions got louder as she leaned over and started to cry. I practically squinted my eyes from the foreign sound I heard.

Firefighters usually get asked about how they act so fast in a fire, I’ve always been told that in those moments that they don’t have time to think they just act. To me my grandma is a source of light and this was one fire I could not let out. I rubbed her back as she let out incomplete sobs. All I could do was repeat the muscle memory of how it felt when she would comfort me. The quieter they got the more my body shook. With false confidence I called out for her name and her response made me left out a breath I felt I’ve been holding in my whole life.

When I was younger, everyone was either a monster or a superhero. My grandma was on the monster side from they day I met her. Being three, everyone greeted me with a smile on their face and if they didn’t then they just didn’t see me; she was different. I remember the first day I met her and back then it was the scariest moment of my life. I was too young to comprehend the fact that another person was coming to live with us much less that she was related to me. The tendency I’ve had all my life was to hold my hands and continue to step on my feet if I felt uncomfortable. That day was no different. The floor was ice and I found it way too hard to stay into place. I will never know if our old house in Croton was as gigantic as I thought it was. I had my body against the sink as if I was taped to the back; barely able to touch the top of the counter. The letter magnets on the fridge haven’t been moved since my sister put them in a formation that I wasn’t old enough to read. My mom easily walked through the door as my dad dragged the legal amount of clothes through the door. The aroma of her luggage was identical to a tire. The colorful toys and clothes were no match for my grandmother’s black top and dress. I had never been to a funeral but from what I had saw on television that was on the dot. She looked me into the eyes and my little body shook. I couldn’t move because I thought I was under an evil spell. She was the first elderly woman I met who doesn't have an “old” smell, it was more like expensive perfume. This was the first time I truly acknowledged my heart beat into my chest. If I wasn’t so proud of myself for getting my first pair of underwear that year for my birthday, it would’ve been ruined minutes ago.

The second I was away from her I charged for the living room. A tape recorder would’ve been easier for both me and my mother to use when asking my her if she was really related to us.

Later on when I was eight, my grandma was left to babysit me. The first time I ever saw a funny side of her was when it was just me and her. I could’ve been qualified as a spy that day and the mission was to stay out of sight and still get food. She saw me in the hallway and the staredown began. To my surprise she asked me if I wanted the play soccer with her. I questioned if she was sane because it was winter and all I had was one football. I wish I knew earlier that soccer is american football in Jamaica. Her arm was amazing which I questioned and then she began to tell me about her life. She used to play all the time when she was younger and she was seen as a tough girl. Slowly we stopped playing and I migrated to the jade green colored couch which I’ve now decided is horrendous and just listened to her speak. She told me about how this girl wouldn’t leave her alone and she threw a brick at her. I jumped up and felt my eyes pop out of my head when I heard that. Before my eyes she transformed from a monster to a superhero. It is still one of the coolest things I've ever heard.

As I write, the question dawns on me. How do you become a superhero for a superhero when you aren’t even enough to be a sidekick? I couldn’t even help myself to stop shaking, praying that she wouldn’t feed off of it. She had been throwing up blood and the more information I got from her and the EMT the harder it was to hear anything. It’s moments like these where I deeply think about life the most.

Having my grandmother live with me and open up to me has sculpted me into someone I pray that she is proud of. It is times like these where even though I am almost eighteen and think I’m an adult, I feel like a small child. Super Heroes are immortal and supposed to live forever. Super Heroes don’t cry or get sick. Having my grandma share stories with me have taught me that heroes go through things that can make them weak but the way they deal with it can make them a hero. From that day on the stories she has told me have taught me to be selfless and that I came from very strong roots. I have also learned from her never to bring anyone else into the problems that you hold; no one should feel your pain for you. Not even my mother knows some of the things that she has told me just because as my grandmother’s child she wanted her to not find out about the real world to fast. My grandmother has become the reason I want to keep going even when it doesn’t look like there is a path to go. As I am sitting in my bed and she is sitting in her hospital bed I know that my superhero will still be around to save the day and now I am ready to save hers.