I tried to scream. Scream for help, but no one heard me. It's like I was just screaming in my head, and it was coming out only as a whisper that no one heard. Maybe if someone would have heard me, I wouldn't have made the mistake of ruining my family's lives. For four years now my sister has been sleeping in my room and crying herself to sleep, just like my parents. People still don't understand why I did what I did, but I do and that is all that matters anymore. I was young, only in seventh grade, but people have affected me so much that they pushed me into doing some crazy things, and I am here to tell you about a few of them. I had two lovely sisters and amazing parents who seemed to love all three of us very much. My life had been dedicated to ice skating since I was two years old. I was a pretty decent student at school and enjoyed reading books. I guess you could say I was almost the "perfect daughter", but that quickly changed once I started middle school and became the girl my parents always told me to stay away from. By the time I got to sixth grade, I already knew that I was not the prettiest girl at school, but I never thought that I would have dozens of people judge my appearance day in and day out. It seemed like no big deal at first. "Nobody is loved by everybody", I kept telling myself every day, but it didn't do anything to me, because things only got worse. My classmate, Mark, started bullying me by just calling me ugly at first. He did not stop at that. His next move was to make fun of my ethnicity. I am originally from, Germany and me and my mom moved to America when I was 11. Mark, always made rude jokes about me being Hitler's daughter and that I hated all Jews and I was racist.

Of course being the childish middle school boys they all were, some joined Mark and started a small group and bullied me together whenever they got a chance. They were doing it constantly, regardless of where they were and what the punishment was. By the end of the sixth grade school year, my self esteem has gone down way too much and I thought of myself very bad and only had one or two friends. I was happy to know that during the summer I would not have to deal with boys making fun of me every single day, all day long. I was looking forward to a fun summer to spend with my family and not worry about anytning. I also hoped that during the three month break, the people who bullied me would mature and forget about what happened in sixth grade and everyone would be friendly to me during my next year in middle school. I did not hear from anyone all that summer, and that relieved me a little bit. I was happy, because I thought that everyone forgot about me and bullying would finally stop and I will be happy. Little did I know, though. The first month of school was fine, nobody bothered me because kids were too busy getting to know the new students and making friends. Once everyone got their own group of friends and settled down, the nightmare came back....but worse. Mark and seven of his friends, which I didn't even know the names of, started making extremely unappropriate posters about me and hung them in all of the boys bathrooms. The principal and I had meetings almost every week about the things that were constantly happening to me. He always punished the boys with suspension, a phone call home, or ASD (After School Detention, but they did not seem to care at all. It actually enterained them in a way. They wanted to be bad, they wanted to show off in front of the girls, and they were getting it. Right before Christmas break, I got injured during an ice skating practice and had to use crustches in order to be able to walk. My teachers let me change to different classes after everyone else had switched, because my school was so crowded and we only had 3 minutes to switch. I didn't want someone to push me and injure myself even more than I already have. One day, I was walking down the stairs to my next class when two boys that have been part of Mark's group, came out of no where and pushed me down. They said that if I told an adult, then they would do even worse things to me and my family, too. Of course, like the other times, I told an adult at my school about what happened. I figured that if I don't tell, then they would take advantage of that and hurt me even worse. I lost all the hope I ever had, that they would ever leave me alone. Over the Christmas break, most teenagers just stayed home all day and checked their Facebook every other second. Mark found me on Facebook, and sent me a friend request, which I, of course denied. I started receiving sketchy friend requests from at least 5 people a day, and multiple messages. Mark's group has messaged me, and many other people from my school did, too, including girls. Half of the messages I had received contained very bad language and were unacceptably nasty. Although, it wasn't anything I haven't heard at school already. Some people told me that ice skating is they gayest sport ever and only losers do it. Thanks to those people, I quit ice skating. I never thought I would quit something I did for over ten years. Once I got back from the winter break, everyone who said something to me online or through text messages, was now saying those things to my face without any hesitation. The boys' group needed some girl helpers because they knew that girls' opinions would matter to me if not the same, maybe even more than the boys'. Girls also could go to the bathrooms and do things there, that's something Mark and his friends couldn't do. Some of the girls made posters for the girls room saying "Let's Welcome Back Hitler's Daughter From Winter Break" and another said "No More Crutches, The Hide Your Boyfriends. THE W**** IS ON THE LOSE".

Everyone who bullied me at that school, seemed so satisfied with their work. It was the worst feeling anyone could ever get, knowing that people are more than happy to bring you down every day. I did not want to go to school because of all the people that my life a complete nightmare. My grades were terrible by that point, because I never did my homework or paid much attention in class. I was always only thinking about the way I could make myself feel better, and whether that was still possible. The parents that used to love me and care for me so much, gave up on trying to motivate me to do good anymore. They tried so hard for so long, and lost all the hope, just like me. I was completely and alone, and completely damaged. Towards the end of the school year, I met a few guys who were a bit older than me who told me that they know a lot of people who were depressed and lonely just like me, but they helped themselves by taking some drugs, which made them feel better. I was only in middle school and I didn't know what drugs could do to a person's body, they only thing I wanted for myself was to be happy again. I made the decision of buying drugs and using them, whether it was smoking marijuana or injecting other more serious drugs. They made me feel better and I was so desperate for that feeling of feeling good again. Alchohol also came in the picture. I started drinking on regular basis, and going out late at night partying and doing the things my parents would never want to see me do.

Things only got worse as the time went on, until one day when I came home from a friend's house completely sober. I laid down on my bed and just thought about how bad I messed up in life, and how I let people affect me in the worst ways possible. It was such a big mistake to let people tell me who I am and what I should and should not be doing with my life. I knew that there was no way I could go back to my normal life that I had back in elementary school. My thought took control of my body, and that is how I ended up with thirty pills inside my body. Now, there was definitely no going back, ever. I didn't think that at the safest place for kids besides home, I would feel so unsafe and threatened at all times. I never thought going to school could be such a terrible experince that could cause such actions from a person. I wish that this world was much more peaceful and cared abouth others, because words hurt whether you believe that or not. All I can do now, is watch my family struggle through the loss. It hurts me so much to know that I let about ten people take my life away from me, when I had so many more people care about me, but as we all know " It takes one million compliments to build you up, but one insult to send it all crashing down."