When I was little I had everything a little girl could possibly want, well all but one thing, a dad. The dad I did have walked out on my mom, brother and I when I was two weeks old. I use to say I didn't have a dad but people would argue and say that I did but I knew in my heart that he wasn't a real dad. A real dad, to me, means someone who's there for you. Someone who cares for you and will never let you down. That's what I have now. I didn't always though.
My mom had a baby when she was 17, it wasn't me whom she had but that's not the point. My mom had been with Nathan, my so called father, for a while when they got pregnant. Obviously since they were so young it wasn't planned, nor was it unwanted though, not by mom, however. When my mom had my brother she grew up. She moved and bought a house with Nathan she didn't give up on school and even graduated in the top 10% of her class. While going to school and raising a new born she also worked. She didn't ask her parents help for anything. She did it by herself. Well, by now your probably asking where "dad" went, right? Well, Nathan didn't grow up. He had no care in the world and was still acting like a normal teenager, but my mom didn't need him she could do it herself.
Four years later, when my mom was 21 and my brother was a week away from 4, I was born. My grandma was excited, not that she was thrilled that her youngest daughter was having another baby but because she got what she wanted. When my mom was pregnant with me my grandma said she wanted a baby girl with blue eyes and blond hair, and she got it! Once again my mom did everything herself with no help from anybody. A couple weeks after I was born my mom left my dad. She got fed up with his stuff and couldn't take anymore. Well, I always wondered why she didn't leave before. I mean he did nothing but hurt her, so why stick around?
"I was just trying to have a family for my kids." My mom would always tell me in a depressed voice and when you looked into her eyes you could actually feel the pain she was in.
I never understood what that meant, but now, now I get it.
Well, after my mom and Nathan split, my brother and I never really saw him. Every other weekend we had to go spend it with him but other than that it was like "Nathan who?" Now I was okay with this. Mainly because I was so young, and my mom was everything to me. I saw and heard what he did to her and to tell you the truth I didn't like him, not one bit. In my eyes, he was the monster. The one kids feared when going to sleep, worrying if the Boggy Man would pop out from underneath their bed or from their closet. I still however wanted a daddy. One that would read me bed time stories, or give me a little push on the swing. My brother was another story.
Nathan was so selfish, he didn't care who he hurt, as long as he came out fine. He reminds me of a little spoiled brat throwing a big fit when mommy doesn't get her the new Little Pony. Well my mom used to tell me my brother was chasing a dad who wasn't there. Jordan, my brother, would make plans with Nathan and he would be so excited. To him Nathan was a God, he could do nothing wrong in Jordan's eyes. I don't know why, he never did anything. He was like a fish, interesting in the beginning but after having it for a week you get bored watching him swim in circles. Well after Jordan made plans with Nathan he would wait for him for hours. Just sitting on the porch wondering when he would show. He never did. You would think after a while Jordan would get it and never want to talk to him again, but that wasn't the case. He always made excuses for him and still does to this day.
As I got older I saw other little girls with their daddy's and wanted it. I didn't understand what I did to not deserve it. Was there a big sign hanging from me that said "Ignore," that I wasn't aware of? No matter how many times my mom said it was him, I just wasn't comprehending. I started to strive to get Nathan's attention but no matter what I did I was put aside. I mean why didn't my dad like me? Isn't he like programmed to love me no matter what? Well little did I know I wouldn't need him, ever again.
When I was around 5 my mom started to date this guy. I don't remember much but suddenly there was some one there. Some one I saw as more than mommy's new boyfriend. Then as I got older and they got married I was thrilled. I mean I had never had a dad! This was like a blessing. I did everything with JR. He meant the world to me and still does; and always will. JR, my step dad, my real dad, joined the army. He wanted to give us a good life and he did.
Jordan was still to busy worshipping Nathan and didn't really give JR much thought but me, I was on cloud nine! JR gave us all a good life. My mom was happy and I was so glad she found some one who treated her right. I mean he took a single mother with two kids in. We had nothing at the beginning. After JR joined the army it all changed. I mean they gave us everything. They were more than just parents to me. They were my life, my best friends. Suddenly Nathan was miles from my mind. Why did I need him? I had some one who took care of me. I didn't ask for his love I just got it. I never had to change or pretend to be somebody to make JR or my mom happy. You want to know why? Because they love me, no matter how weird I get. I know I can always count on them, because their family and that's what family does. This whole time I was dying for my father to pay attention to me, but then suddenly this guy comes in and changes everything. I didn't even have to try. That's the best part. I know no matter what I do and no matter what I say I could never repay him or my mom for anything that they have sacrificed or given to me. I just hope one day, when I get a little older and have children of my own that I can be the parents to them that my parents are and always will be to me.