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Sincerest Apologies
Dear N,
You will never see this, but I need relief.
I need a sense of comfort from your cold shoulder.
Please understand. I was only trying to help.
What you were doing wasn’t right.
I know you could care less for what I had to say, but hear me out.
I love you.
I know you are gay. I know you have affections for other people, but I want you to know. It has been inside me and I need to let it out.
I don’t know why. I don’t know how you started. I probably should because I thought we were close.
I’m sorry, but cutting isn’t the answer.
What I did was wrong. Cutting is not the answer.
I shouldn’t have done that.
I thought, “Maybe if I cut, you would get worried and stop.”, but I was wrong.
I only created pain. Emotionally and physically.
After the secret was leaked to authority, I tried my best. I tried to stitch back what I had ripped open.
I cried. You are surrounded by people who would say the meanest of things to protect you.
You need to know.
You have to know.
I only wanted the best for you. You were like my brother.
I wish I could undo what happened.
My friends talk about you in a positive way, yet I am just in the shadows, recalling the past events.
So this is my memoir.
To you.
With love…
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