From chasing butterflies, specifically monarchs, to helping my mom plant flowers, which were marigolds, on the front lawn when I was young. The grass was bright green, the sun was shining, the sky was light blue, and no clouds were in sight. I felt free running around with my dog, no school, and especially “all the time in the world.” My mother took my brothers and I to my great grandma’s house one day in the scorching hot summer heat to pick her up and go out to eat Chinese food at a buffet. My grandma treated everyone so kindly when we went out, always tipped well, had long conversations with strangers, and was always up to get together with family. I, on the other hand, did not care to spend time in big family get-togethers, like holidays or grillings.

I almost hated those get-togethers as much as I hated mushrooms. I knew they involved lots of pictures, which every little kid hates, ancient relatives that I didn’t know giving tight hugs to everyone, and random people talking to me about a distant family member who had recently passed away. All I remember is running around with my close cousins and siblings, giving each other piggyback rides, and eating delicious Sloppy Joe’s with some arrangement of fruits. It seemed that it was once a month we would have some sort of gathering like this, whether it was someone’s birthday, anniversary, or a special holiday, like Easter, Christmas, or Thanksgiving. I got sick of these gatherings as I grew into my elementary phases as a bratty child who’d cry if it was even just a little bit too hot out. These few things were my only worries in the entire world. I had no idea how lucky I was at the time with my plastic high-heels, hair barrettes, and passed-down jewelry. I realize now that I should’ve taken care of some of the passed-down jewelry a little better, but again, I didn’t care too much considering I used to think the old necklaces, bracelets, and rings were ugly anyways.

My timeless world came crashing down when my family and I were coming back from our winter break vacation but we had to make a stop at the hospital before we actually got home. I noticed the atmosphere wasn’t as bright as it used to be. Maybe it was the fact that “it was just winter,” but something felt “off,” or different. None of my immediate family was sick or anything, no, we went to the hospital for my great-grandmother, she was the one who was “sick.” When we got to her room in the hospital, a few other relatives were present. On the TV, there was some soap opera. She watched those all the time at home. My brothers and I showed her the new presents we received over our vacation. Our grandma seemed fine in my eyes, she was greeting everyone who walked in, held her usual long conversations, and was keeping her food down and had no trouble eating it in the first place. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with her and why everyone was acting so differently.

These hospital visits went on for weeks, from December to January, but it all felt like only a day. I think she had around three different rooms in that prison-like place. I had roamed every floor I could, usually with my cousin. We spent late, cold nights there, often missing school. I knew where everything was after a few days of waiting for visitation times. We often ate in the cafeteria of the hospital and got snacks out of the vending machines near the waiting rooms. We took elevators up and down and some other cousins brought their Nintendo Switch to play games with everyone. It always smelt like coffee or the classic hand sanitizer scent that’s only at hospitals. I wish now that we always spent time like that together, but not under those circumstances.

Somewhere in mid-January, she was freed from the prison. The doctors had released her to go home to her house. The marigolds in her own yard were dead and gloom in the brisk and freezing weather. Almost every relative I’d seen was at her house, smiling. She was there too but in a hospital-like cot trying to rest. My aunt who basically lived in my grandmother’s house with her at the time was speaking with a nurse at the dining table about the medications she would need to give my grandma and at what times. Older cousins were talking and catching up with others while my siblings and I were busy running through the many rooms of the old farmhouse. The Christmas tree was still up along with all of the festive lights, ornaments, and other miscellaneous decor. As my family was leaving, we said our goodbyes to everyone, especially Grandma. We gave her the best hug we could with her lying down and held her hand as we gave a little prayer to ourselves.

Time felt like it froze as we drove home from her house, the radio was quiet, and our voices were silent. I went to bed easily after all those late nights spent in the hospital and knowing she was finally home safe, not to be bothered. I didn’t know that that would be my last night spent with her, as she passed by the next day. I felt selfish for going to bed so peacefully when she was suffering. I also hated myself for running around with my siblings that night and at every gathering before that instead of talking to her more and learning more about her life. I barely know anything about her directly. Almost all of the information I know about her is from other relatives that I’ve now tried to grow closer to because of the mistake I made with my great-grandma. I didn’t try to learn more about relatives when I was younger but I’ve started asking questions to my other grandparents, parents, and aunts and uncles.

Like a monarch, I’ve changed, and like a marigold, I’ve grown. When my grandma passed, I realized that spending time with family was important and that every little thing mattered. Most people enjoy talking about the memories they had when they were a child, so ask them about it. My bright world hasn’t exactly returned to normal because it’s become clear to me that we don’t have enough time to forget about other people, specifically older family members. Look at the world from a different perspective and remember that life’s too short to regret easy things like spending time with loved ones.