For as long as I can remember I have always been shy. Afraid to break out of my shell, terrified of what could go wrong or what people will think of me. This fear prevented me for years from doing what I really wanted to do—take voice lessons. 

On a sunny July day in 2017, I decided to take the plunge and go for it. I walked anxiously into the studio and waited as the person before me finished their lesson. Once the time came I approached my new teacher, Gwen Ter Haar, and nervously introduced myself even though I had met her a few months prior (she was a teacher of a musical theatre class I had taken the previous fall). 

“Hi!” she said so brightly. Instantly I could feel the infectious, positive energy she radiated and I was able to take a deep breath and relax. We began to sing. I left that first lesson with a newfound feeling of strength. A feeling that I was able to push through my fears and persevere. I continued going to those lessons every single week with the same amount of excitement every time. 

Part of the reason I started going to voice lessons was to work on my singing for theatre. By 2020 I started to realize that theatre was having an incredibly negative impact on my mental health and I was beginning to hate everything about it. All the teachers I had, all the people I met—literally everything. The one person who stuck with me through it all was Gwen. She never judged me for these feelings, she always supported me. 

I would come to her and rant about what I was going through. “I keep trying so hard only to get treated as if I don’t matter” and “I’m constantly ignored and excluded from their stupid cliques,” I would tell her. She encouraged me to do what was best for me and stop doing theatre. Gwen pushed me to do what I wanted instead of what my family or my peers expected of me. 

We switched from singing musical theatre to singing songs in genres I was more interested in like “Take Me to Church” and “Vienna.” This was the point in my singing career where I finally was 100% in love with what I was doing. Free of judgment from my peers and free in my heart. 

As my final year at home comes to a conclusion I often find myself reflecting on things I am going to miss once I move away. Gwen is at the top of the list. I will miss walking into my Tuesday lesson every week (sometimes a few minutes late because I had to get coffee) but knowing that she wouldn’t mind because “I would never be mad at you for being late with Starbucks” and the feeling of instant safety. 

Gwen made me who I am and I don’t think I tell her that enough. Gwen, you changed my life.