My cat chews on the

corner

of my report,

and then,

adding insult to injury,

sleeps on it.

This does not exactly

create conflict,

but you can't

rationalize with cats

(who are infamous for being

irrational animals)

which makes it

all the more frustrating.



My boyfriend calls my mom

The Warden,

simply because she

makes me get off the phone.



My cat ignores

me for an entire

week.

Then, while I am writing a

very

important essay,

he suddenly decides that my

writing hand

is the love of his

life.

He licks my hand,

nuzzles

it so hard

that my eloquent essay is

reduced

to a series

of Egyptian hieroglyphics.



My boyfriend

informs me that I have

a horrible diet,

consisting of soup

and tea, which

he insists

are not food,

but "just water!"

although he is not

one to talk,

being a guy who has

not eaten a piece

of fruit

in four years, eating

in its place

beef jerky. (but I

don't say a

word.)



So tell me

why this ball

of fur and this

fifteen-year-old

cynic

are the best things that have

h