Something quite sad happened to me today. Or rather, it’s sad because nothing happened. Also, when I say sad I mean it in terms of being pathetic and embarrassing. See, I have a twin brother. He is unbelievably, stereotypically popular and good at sports. He is slim and wears tight trousers that I sometimes confuse for my own, and he has many close friends, quite a few that are girls. I myself am an unbearable stereotype. I am not popular, I hate sports because I value my reputation and though I am not overweight I still believe that it should be somewhat illegal to have a brother that is thinner than you. Also I appear to be having a bad hair day.

None of this should matter, but as it turns out, I have even more to be jealous about. It is summer vacation and my brother goes out with his friends almost everyday. I can’t remember the last time I ‘just went out’. Sure I go to the theater to watch plays with a few of my fellow Shakespeare enthusiasts, but those trips are planned weeks in advance. Sometimes I go out alone just to watch movies by myself, window-shop and generally try not to act too voyeuristic, though I often am (not sexually of course, please).

The problem here is not that I don’t have any friends/social skills. I have plenty. It’s only my most of my friends can be more accurately defined as acquaintances and though I enjoy our interactions in the school environment, I’m not completely comfortable with calling them on a Sunday and proposing a spontaneous trip to the beach. Basically, I only have two close friends. One of which is in Canberra and the other is always spending time with her boyfriend of almost two years. Can somebody please tell me what ever happened to ‘bros before hoes’, or in this case, ‘mates before dates’? And Canberra? Come on, Canberra? Melbourne, maybe, But Canberra?

I have one hundred dollars and cannot think of anything to do with it. Actually, it’s more like eighty-two dollars now because I just bought a Chuck Klosterman book on Fishpond. I am excited because I have not been able to get this in stores anywhere and it is due to arrive in six to ten days. Okay, I should explain that I am very much a homebody and I over enjoy the convenience of books, the Internet, television and my DVD player. If given a choice, I wouldn’t want to go out. Why? I’ve all I need right here.

However, even I know that there is something wrong with that. How dare I value the genius-but-at-the-same-time-charmingly-naive remarks of Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory more than the company of my own great friends? It would be stupid of me to say that Sheldon is always there for me whereas my friends are not, because that is not true. I can’t blame them for horrible family vacations in questionable places, or having her boyfriend over for tea (that is what they’re doing, right?). I’m okay with that because I can blame a lot of people apart from them, actually. There’s George Carey for starting the initial notion of television and Vinton Cerf for more or less inventing the Internet that I hold so dearly. Even my own mother and father could be held accountable. Weren’t they after all, the ones that introduced me to such delightful evil? Unfortunately, Carey and Clef are either dead or indifferent to my finger of accusation and my parents just wouldn’t have it.

There is only one person left. And surprise, it’s me. Don’t think that I don’t feel guilty, because I do! I feel as if I need to try harder to ‘mingle’ and ‘get a life’ because high school, and summer (According American teen dramas) are supposed to be hot and exciting and the best years of your life. Hot? Yes. Exciting? I suppose, but only if reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond perk you up. And the best years of my life? I sure hope not! Am I supposed to feel as if summer will never end? Or is it a more fleeting sense of advanced nostalgia, the ‘there will never be another summer as good as this one’ type? Quite honestly, I’m kind of waiting for school to start again. I’m bored, I’m restless, and I have nothing to do. Is that bad? That’s bad, right?

I know. But what am I to do, what am I to do? This probably sounds silly to you, laughable even. Go ahead then, laugh, but remember that there is a confused girl with no measurable amount of social skills and direction whatsoever here. It just isn’t easy for me because though it may not show, I am quite shy and only really enjoy the company of people I have gotten to know and accept over a long period of time. I can’t stand the thought of being around people I don’t know. It would be the epitome of awkward, pointless and mercilessly uncomfortable situations. I know it takes time to develop close friendships, but does all of that time have to be so nauseating?

Ah, but don’t give up on me yet! If Charlie from The Perks of Being A Wallflower can ‘participate’, then so can I (and hopefully without the hash brownie business)! I know that this is something I have to do, because I’m a senior this year, and after this, I only have one summer left before University. I know I’ll regret wasting my life and not taking advantage of my youth and my lack of presence. I could do anything, I could be anything right now and nobody would care. And that’s why I guess I’ll have to try harder, be a man/strong woman with drive, determination and self worth about my insecurities and step outside of myself. As soon as I reach the majority, people will notice, and people will care, and I won’t be able to get away with half of the devious (but totally legal) things I could right now.

Better late then never, hey?