Today I lost the most important thing. Sorry, I correct myself, I didn’t lose it, they took it away from me. They didn’t want me to have it anymore, they didn’t like it. It happened so fast, I didn’t even realize what was going on, from one moment to the next I didn’t have it anymore, the thing that made me who I was, that made me a kid, my innocence.

I’m angry with them, who are they to make me this? They are not important, they are no one. I can’t see right now, everything is red and anger. I hear a bit in my ears, I think somebody is talking to me, but I don’t understand what they are saying.

Suddenly I don’t see red anymore, but it’s replaced with a dark blue, almost purple, and the bit continues in my ears. I don’t know when I started to cry, but all my face is wet now. The anger is now mixed with sadness in a powerful purple. I feel something under my knees, I think I’m on the floor, but I don’t really know.

I feel something in my back, it’s an arm, I think someone is hugging me. I can’t tell who it is, but it feels good. I don’t know how much time passed, time feels nonsense right now. I look up and the face that I see shows sadness, but I bet she doesn’t feel half as bad as I do. 

My mom looks at me, she looks worried, in a way that reconforts me. I know that I shouldn’t feel like that, but in part I blame her for what happened. She saw everything, and didn’t say a word. She saw me fight, and didn’t help me at all. She saw me lose, and didn't do anything to help me. 

Time runs like always, but I can’t run with it anymore. I don’t feel good enough to do it, I just do everything mechanically. I stand up, and walk to my room, without saying anything, without looking at anyone. When I look at the clock three hours have passed. Suddenly it has already been a day, then two, three and even four.

Time makes feelings go, but this time they are not replaced with anything else, it’s just nothing. I can’t feel anything, no anger, no sadness, no pain, nothing. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, I think that nothing hurts more than anything. But I guess that’s something at least, a little improvement.

I don’t know if I would get used to this new version of my life, without my innocent mind, without my innocent version of the world, without everything. I guess only time will tell.