Growing up as a Hispanic girl who is also the oldest out of my siblings and legal out of everyone my family tree isn’t so sunshine and rainbows. The older I get the more responsibilities and shame come at me like an arrow hitting a target. My father would drag me to church as a kid to get my first communion and my confirmation. He would push his beliefs on me and make me do this and that or “I’ll go to hell”. Not that I don’t believe in god ,but I personally don’t want anyone to force me to do this because “I’ll go straight to hell”. This of course is normal for a hispanic culture but when you're female, it just gets worse. Of course at that time I was little and I didn’t understand and couldn’t speak up for myself.

10 to 15 and my dad STILL! controls what I should do ,but it’s mostly for him and not for me. First it started with my dad pushing his catholic beliefs on me and forcing me to do this ,but now it’s about me being female and I should prepare to be a housewife. When I got older and started to understand what’s wrong and right and make decisions for myself and not my father but of course that isn’t so easy. 

On Summers He would  shame me for dressing inappropriately, make me clean and other things because I'm a “woman”. Tells me I can’t have guy stuff like a sport car, jeans, cologne and (becuase I like the smell thehe) ,because im a girl, tells me I can’t have a sport car because im female, I can’t have any boyfriends or i’ll be easy to get and make HIM look bad, can’t go there or do this becuase i’ll do stupid things ,and end up being a teen mom or a drug addict or smoke that Mary Jane, I can’t hang with boys becuase I’ll end up getting assulted, I can’t do things I would enjoy or have this because of my so called “Father.”.  My dad would scream at me because I didn’t dress like how we wanted me to dress like a” proper young woman”. Even though teens these days dress like how I dress of course I look like a “lady of the evening” to my father. 

Other times he would shame me for not knowing how to cook YET and would say that “How are you gonna cook for your husband in the future when he gets hungry”. That’s when I had enough and stood up like my strong and independent mom and told him that evening at dinner, “Who said I was gonna cook for him? He can do it himself! I'm not a housewife that gets stepped on like a doormat” and that's when he got quiet and changed the subject Really didn’t change my dad’s controlling mind set on me, but It has changed me for me making decisions for myself and made myself feel independant and good about myself that I stood up to him. I can decide for myself and in the future and not be so sexiest because us women are powerful and we don’t need a man to help us pay bills. 

Years by Years and days by days I learn that I'm old enough to wear what I WANT and not what HE WANTS and that I know what's right and wrong. I am responsible enough to make decisions for myself ,and i’ll still continue fighting for my rights with my dad ,and he can stop thinking I dress like “Lady of the evening”of power and I can do what I want to my body and I can stand up to gross iky controlling men because i'm brave.