I am a Mexican/Guatemalan descendant but I didn't know what ¨beaner¨ meant until my freshman year of high school. There are also other words like ¨wetback¨, ¨spic¨, and even ¨illegal¨. I'm not saying that these terms are only used for Mexicans but most people that say these words tend to toward them to Mexicans. There are also people that don't know what they're asking so they ask the most annoying question “Are you Spanish?.” There are other people who just stare, most of the time when they do stare I know that they ́re judging me just by the way their eyes move and their facial expressions. Due to the experiences that I’ve had, I have become a really aware and observant person. 

There are times that my friends and siblings have called me a beaner, it doesn't bother me because it's coming from them and I know they don't mean it in a bad way. But when someone I don't know says it to me or people who I’m not close with, then I do feel hurt and offended. Last year when I was a sophomore, I was walking quietly, minding my own business when I heard a white kid say “Hey beaner” really loud. Everyone outside probably heard it. When I heard that being yelled that out, my stomach dropped, I was in a bit of shock and mentally froze for a little even though I kept on walking. I started feeling so many feelings at once and I started to picture scenarios that could happen next. I looked at who it was. Who said it? I thought to myself. I wanted to remember his face because I’m not going to lie, sometimes I’m short-tempered and at this point, I was really mad. Even though he had said it to one of his friends I still don't think it was right to call his friend that especially because his friend was Latino. To this day I still remember his face and his voice when he called out to his friend. It was my first time hearing someone else say beaner in public that it stuck in my mind.

There was a time I went to the bank with my mother because after we were going to the store to get some snacks. We walked into the bank because the machines outside weren't working. When we got in, there was a line so we waited. We finally got to the woman that was supposed to help us. My mom isn't exactly fluent in English but she understands most of it and can get through basic conversations. But that day it was especially hard for her to speak in English. The women started the conversation which a simple “Hello, how may I help you?” When my mother started to ask if she could check out my brothers check, the woman interrupted my mom without letting her finish. Sometimes when someone doesn't want to give service they tend to say “We can't do that”, “We’re unable to do that.” My mother understands that it’s not her check and that the woman is just trying to do her job. But the woman began to give sass because she was in a bad mood. But it’s funny how other employees have let my mother check out my brothers checks countless of times. Another time me and my brother were at a dentist appointment getting our regular check up. Most of the time the dentist tend to ask questions about our day or what grade we’re in, just small talk to make things less awkward. I was getting my teeth cleaned, because the person who was cleaning my teeth wasn’t professional yet and was just getting started with his career he needed help. The actual dentist came and started to give the student advice. I didn’t talk to the dentist much because he was there to check up on the student.The student started to make small talk again and asked me a question, the next thing the dentist said was “Wait they speak English?” I was really offended but didn’t say anything. In my head I was arguing with the dentist, telling him not to assume things. Just because I’m brown and wasn’t speaking much doesn’t mean I don’t understand or don’t know how to speak English. I told my parents and my brother after my appointment. My brother was also offended even though it didn't happen to him. 

Most times when people can't understand my family or me, they tend to not take us seriously. They think that we are less intelligent because we don't speak their language, they think that they have to yell in order for us to understand them, they think that we can’t understand their tone when they're talking and know that they are talking about us. I'm grateful that I learned English at a young age so I’m able to communicate well with people in English and in Spanish even though Spanish is my first language. I tend to be the translator for my parents when there isn’t a professional one. Sometimes I tell my mom to speak instead of me translating for her because I want her to get better at English and the only way she will learn English is she tries to speak it. I hope one day she won't need me to translate for her even though I  am more than happy to help her. Sometimes I wish that people who have never felt the feeling of being racial profiled or just being judged by your ethnicity should feel that feeling. But then I thought to myself and think that no one should have to feel bad or embarrassed by who they are or where they come from. People should embrace their ethnicity and culture.