Mainly, most of us do not really understand or even know what is the exactly meaning or definition of peace of hearts and minds? Basically, peace of hearts and minds is defined as a freedom of the mind and the heart, our soul, from annoyance, distraction, anxiety or obsession. “Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it.” It is a quote from Bryan Tracy that told us to first build peace in mind, and then organize lives that surround us. Conflict is a necessary part of daily life, and we all have to deal with it. The skill lies in HOW we deal with it. Building peace in hearts and minds make us transform the conflicts we face into opportunities. There are a few steps that can be followed in order to gain peace of mind and also heart. We should also work within ourselves, which is where peace begins.

These are the steps written to help avoid conflict. Each step is challenging, but it can transform a conflict into a disagreement. And even to agreement. For the first step is get perspective. We have to put any strong emotions to one side temporarily. Then, step outside of the moment and take a helicopter view. Make a distinction between the principle at stake, and the practical issue then get a sense of how important the practical issue is or you and its actual, practical effect on your life. After that, identify a relationship between the principle and a sense of feeling ‘wronged’ or personal injury that usually lies beneath the principle. And last, peer into the future, picture the consequences of the conflict escalating and imagine the lasting damage it could do in your life and the lives of those involved.

The second step is, speak to each other or person to person. Ask the other person if you can talk for a while without getting into rights and wrongs. Explain that you’re really interested in understanding their feelings and ask if they would be willing to speak only in the first person, say what they feel, what they need and why, and any ideas on how to move forward. When it comes to your turn, do the same thing which is speak only in the first person, express the facts of the situation, what you feel, what you need and why, and ideas on how to move forward, without allowing yourself to accuse, blame or introduce opinions, judgements or arguments. If you feel able, try to acknowledge where your behaviour or actions may have caused upset or hurt; even if it feels small and insignificant in the bigger scheme of things, take responsibility for your part in the conflict, and say what that is: say for example what you could have done differently.

Then, you should really listen to the problem. Try to listen as if you were a sympathetic stranger, without prejudice or pre-judgement. Try not to react physically, or facially, and try not to interrupt, but to give your serious, undivided attention. You should also try to take in their body language, their tone of voice, and listen in such a way that you ‘get’ what the other person is feeling, and how it is and has been for them. And if the other person accuses or blames, try to take no notice and not react.

Next, you are encouraged to give a voice to the feelings. Listen with such attention that when the other person stops speaking, you can repeat back not only what they said, but also convey the feelings that you noticed. And ask them if you got it right. And say it again until the other person is satisfied. They will be most surprised, although they may not show it. Invite the other person to repeat back to you what they have heard, including your feelings. Continue until you’re satisfied they have ‘got’ what you feel.

As a conclusion, building peace in our hearts and mind is not a hard thing to be done. Just we need to be open enough to allow someone else to understand our condition.