So I'm so used to pushing away my true emotions I honestly think they're gone. I don't feel "true happiness" I have "surface happiness". Surface happiness is when you're all fine and dandy when you don't have time to truly think. But when you get alone the sadness creeps up on you and never leaves you and before you can eve try to stop thinking about all the bad stuff it's already planted in your mind. True happiness is when you can be alone and start thinking and just have a few sad thoughts but be fine for the rest of the day. I have surface happiness. I try to stay busy as much as I can and try not to mess up because it will eat me alive for days and days on end. Do you know how hard it is to be in love and happy when you're in a relationship? It is very hard for me to be in love and happy in relationships. I can't feel anything except anger and insecurity and sadness. Not just any kind of sadness though. I am depressed. Nobody knows unless I tell them and when I tell them that I'm depressed they claim that I'm not and I'm fine. Who are you to tell me how I'm feeling?? I can't help that I feel this way. I'ms sorry that I'm not a cutter and that I don't look depressed. I'm sorry that I haven't tried to kill myself. Just because I don't do those doesn't mean I'm not depressed. I don't have any friends I can talk to about how I'm feeling because all they want to do is tell the school and the school will tell my mom what she already knows. So yes I am depressed and yes I am a teenager but that doesn't mean I can't be sad.