I am shamed for my veganism on a regular basis. My opinions are ignored. People role my eyes at my values. A subject about which I am extremely passionate is shrugged off. I’ve never met a dietician who supports my decision to be vegan. Therapists have accepted it but never seen it as a good thing, the way I do; people don’t want to believe me when I tell them it is not disordered.

I am open about my eating disorder. Whether or not I am willing to give them up, I share my behaviors, my obsessions and “rules”. I complete assignments I am given; I admit my “challenge foods”.

Yet…still, my team believes that my veganism is a restriction at its base. There has been no research about this, no proof that veganism is linked to eating disorders in the way that diets or cutting out food groups are. While it is true that some people will go vegetarian as a precursor to developing a disorder, their reasons are more health-related than moral.

People do not want to think about the pain that animals face to end up on their plates, or for their products to end up in their cookies or milk. People want to shrug off the horrific cruelty of factory farms because they have been conditioned to overlook it, because looking at it means accepting the fact that their not wanting to give up a food group is the reason that non-human animals, who have been proven to feel pain, love, and joy, are kept in tiny cages their whole lives; are beaten, tazed, sliced; are torn from their babies; are forced to carry painful amounts of milk; are hooked up to painful and uncomfortable machines, and more.

But I do.

I love animals. I love all of them.

And more than that, I respect animals. I see non-human animals as equal to humans; they have every right to a happy, full life. It is incredibly selfish to choose your desire for something not necessary over the welfare of SO many animals. Thinking about the way they are treated makes me feel sick, feel genuine pain in my chest and my stomach.

When I go to the store and buy low-calorie, “healthy” foods, my eating disorder feels successful, triumphant.
When I spend time at the store buying vegan foods over animal products, choosing eco-friendly, fair-trade, cruelty-free bathing supplies or personal items, I feel a sense of pride, peace, and even happiness. I am putting effort in (because it is not always as easy to buy more ethical, eco-friendly options) to making a difference in the way that I shop. Being vegan allows me to be proud of the way I am eating, which is something that is extremely important in eating disorder recovery. And I can buy treats that are vegan! I can still buy “challenge foods”—but I can buy them vegan, and because I am able to align these challenges with my values, they are easier to feel proud of. But taking out animal products does not make them any easier for my eating disorder to accept.

Began vegan doesn’t mean you have to be more restrictive with your diet. Neither does being vegetarian. And you absolutely can recover from an eating disorder as a vegetarian or vegan as long as you go about it the right way—I think that professionals in the eating disorder realm need to start looking at that. Going vegan does not make you crazy or extreme—my eating habits are not crazy or extreme because of my veganism. I cook good meals, I eat fats and proteins and carbs and sugars, I have desserts and snacks. The evolving vegan world has created so many vegan products that it’s not hard to find substitutes for animal products—vegan cheeses, creams, milks, meats of different styles, entrees, and even egg substitutes. Being vegan doesn’t make you extreme—it means that by making changes in your diet that actually are quite simple, you can not only save animals’ lives, but prevent a number of animals through your lifetime from being tortured and abused. You don’t have to do it to be “healthy”. You can eat almost the same way that you would with animal products, now that there are so many replacements.

For so many people in eating disorder recovery, there is a lot of shame in eating a healthy amount and variety of food. I am one of those people.

Being vegan gives me pride. Helping others, compassion, self-giving, are values that are absolutely central to who I am. And I feel good about things that fulfill these values, because I know that I am able to make a difference in the lives of others, which includes both human and non-human animals.

If we were really shown and educated on the difference in the world that becoming vegan can make, I think more people would be inclined to give up meat and maybe give up other animal products. Because I believe people do want to make a difference.

And I further believe that if used correctly, it could be a really positive way to influence eating disorder recovery. Often, those suffering from eating disorders feel that their life and health have no or very little value. Why do we not try to show them that even if we aren’t currently able to feel it for ourselves, our lives have value not only inherently but because our actions and our recovery has the potential to stop others’ suffering? Recovering as a vegan allows me to be against and speak against animal abuse in all animals, as well as climate change. Recovering to shop and live as eco-friendly as I can, helps the earth and can influence people around me. I have more pride in my life right now than I have in a long time, because my choices can make a difference in the world. No matter how small.

It is easier to want to recover if you can see the power that your life can have. If you can be shown that your passions can be used in different ways, and that eating can actually be a positive thing—that the way you eat can make a difference; then you can come to see your recovery as a new opportunity.

Veganism in itself is not an eating disorder. For me, being vegan is freeing. I have a say in the fact that what I eat is not contributing to another being’s torture. This is a decision with food that I can make, where most of the decisions I make regarding food are actually made by my eating disorder. It gives ME control over my actions, instead of giving my eating disorder control, because it fulfills values that surpass my eating disorder in their importance to me.

I will never give up my decision to be vegan. All souls deserve to be content in their lives, and while I know that I cannot live a life that causes no damage to others or to the earth, I know that acting on these values, sharing these values, and living life in a way that empowers ME instead of my eating disorder, gives me the chance to make a difference in the way the world exists.

So think about the animals you’re eating—not whether it’s ok if you eat them, but if you’re really willing to let your meal cause them incredible pain and suffering. And think about the difference that your choices can make, and how that can actually empower you beyond your struggles.