Insanity is the growth of an emerging monarch butterfly coming out of its cocoon. Until its last moments of becoming free, it takes every opportunity to fight for its goal. Some might say being insane falls under the category of being psychotic. The dictionary defines insanity as, “the state of madness”, But does anyone ever take into accountability how one was driven to be insane? The challenges faced in someone’s life on a regular basis? What steps they are taking to become a better version of themselves? No. Society has viewed the helpless as crazy and have put them in insane asylums. Classifying them by their diagnosis like a checklist of chores your mom tells you to do around the house. Never in a million years did I imagine to be labeled as insane. What I viewed as the worst trait in a human being would later build up my strengths for the rigorous battle approaching. 

   Insanity is a stage in your life when you come to the realization that you have to take matters into your own hands. That intense moment arising as you step into the principal’s office for the first time. The circulating question of, “what did I do to disappoint everyone around me”? Insanity is when you are unwillingly sent away to a foreign therapeutic boarding school in Texas for a year and a half. Your parents searching for answers through scripture. Each page flipping simultaneously in longing for that perfect verse. Did they ever stop and ponder on if they contributed to my suffering? Insanity never seemed to die out. I felt its forces with a cautious tight grip on my perception of the world with every glance. 

   Insanity is also an act of courage. The type of courage we see in rom-com movies when the geeky nerd approaches the popular cheerleader. The one individual who challenges you to speak up during a group discussion. It’s when you leave your comfort zone that you become changed as a whole. It’s insanity when you have changed your negative beliefs into words of life, adoration, and hope. Overcoming an obstacle with the assistance of others or a small accomplishment is insane. It’s a community of hurt people sharing their traumatic experiences. Simply stating the phrase,”We’ve all experienced this”, allows for deeper connection and opens new doors for vulnerability to set in. It’s essential to share insane ideas or thoughts because we never want to disclose the unthinkable. 

    Insanity is not placing a label on someone struggling like an expired piece of fruit. For many decades, the “insane” individuals have been shamed for their incapabilities to show their true identities. Medications prescribed by the hour, hoping to fill a nonexistent void. Can’t anyone hear me? Why would anyone share what led them down the rabbit hole? They aren’t accepted in our society today as normal human beings anyways. Parents. You made me this way. The blame shifts between us like a poker game in a casino. Acceptance is the most challenging, yet rewarding stage of the game. Taking ownership of my faults as I own up to my mistakes. It’s like the first fresh breath of dawn scented laundry. The sprinkles topping off the red-velvet cupcake. Jumping off the Santa Monica pier, aimlessly waving your arms around, hoping the water is deep enough. It’s the validation when you speak of what has held you back all this time. One singular moment when others consider your words to be somewhat of value. 

    Insanity is freedom. I couldn’t fathom the concept without my past leading me towards this revolutionary moment. Sharing my “insane” stories from boarding school allowed for deeper understanding and a new lens that was clearer than ever. Hearing the phrases, “There is no way you went through all of that” or “You are so strong”, makes it all worth it in the end. Assuming everyone hasn’t been through rough patches in their lives disconnects us. We are all part of an insane universe that can turn upside down at any moment if we let it. Insanity is not who I am, but the essence of who I once was.