Darkness around me | Teen Ink

Darkness around me

February 16, 2023
By Anonymous

It feels like I'm suffocating, waves of emotion crashing into me like how the ocean waves crash onto rocks during a storm. As time progresses, my heart aches more and more with each passing day. 

It feels like I'm stuck in a never-ending loop, unable to elude from their grasp. As dawn turns to day, their relentless problems keep me awake every second of the clock. I solve their problems whenever they call; I comfort them when they cry; I celebrate for them when they win; I have always been by their side no matter what. But in the end, it was worthless. I told them I was quietly suffering while always being there. Each time they called for me their problems worsened, to the point I was expected to fix them no matter what. I tried my best to keep them happy but in the end, it led to me being more depressed, and the suicidal thoughts got worse.  In the end, I had to tell them that I had enough and that I couldn't take it anymore. They took it poorly, but we made up. Now I don't even think they acknowledge me as a human being; truthfully they may never have. They moved on to the next person after they found me useless, unable to continue to help solve all their problems. I gave my warning to the next person, I warned them of how bad the depression got, the burnout, the feeling of not wanting to live anymore if they decided to help them, or how bad it still got after everything was over. The depression will never truly go away, nor will the feeling of hopelessness. The person looked at me and smiled; it was a smile filled with a mixture of sorrow and wanting to let go, but now it was too late, for they cared too much about them. They gave heed to my warning but the person cared too much to leave, just as I once did. My heart slowly sank, knowing the person would suffer the same faith as me. I slowly felt myself starting to disappear from their life, watching as the person took my place, redoing all the things I had once done. They cried, the person was there to comfort them, They won, the person cheered for them, and the person now fixes all their problems as I once did. As I watched the person take over my place, they eventually assumed my identity too. I watched the person struggle just as I once did, I watched as each day the problems got worse. The person's spirit started slowly fading away, until eventually there was a pit of sorrow, misery, and anguish all mixed into one body, as one human. I feel myself truly slipping away, I feel happy that now someone else must carry the burden, but in the end, I knew I would still be filled with despair and guilt if the person had to carry on just like I had. I approached the person one last time; I could see the damage had already been done in a few days' time. The person's eyes stared blankly at me, crying for help. The person’s once beautiful smile is now replaced with misery. I offered a choice, We can leave and be freed with another person being chosen or we can both stay and wilt by their hand. The person softly smiled. Before they even spoke, I knew the person's answer as my heart slowly began to weep. We both knew this is the sacrifice we both had to make for no one else to suffer the same fate as us. We hugged and intertwined hands as we both knew the misery and despair that awaited us. We slowly walked towards the darkness that had slowly begun blooming from the person we both cared for, who was now unrecognizable. As the creature loomed above us, I turned to the person with tears brimming my eyes that slowly escaped down my face and softly whispered "Thank you." as we both finally succumbed to the darkness that came crashing down upon us.


The author's comments:

I've always struggled with my mental health and it plays a key part in my everyday life. I have trouble with social interaction and communication, writing has helped me find peace and understand myself more as I go through the struggles of life. 


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