It's all in my head. Not real.

That’s what I tell myself on a daily basis.

But I can’t help thinking,

What if they’re looking at me?

They’re laughing — probably at me.

Everyone is judging me. What am I doing?

What is wrong with me?

That is the question I ask the most. It eats away at me, suffocating me. I have never actually been diagnosed with any mental health disorders. That’s because I try to hide them. I know I have anxiety. What introvert is afraid to put their hand up to ask a question because they are worried it will draw unwanted attention? What introvert has panic attacks at P.E. because they think that everyone around them is casting silent judgment? Not a normal one.

The problem with anxiety is exactly that, though. The lines between anxiety and being an introvert tend to blur, and people don’t understand what it’s like to be in this constant fear.

Having anxiety doesn’t make you weak, even if that is what you tell yourself. Anxiety is a mental health problem, just like depression or anorexia, and needs to be addressed instead of scoffed at. Having anxiety isn’t just being “very shy.” People will make fun of the fact I hardly ever talk. I’ve heard them laughing. The truth is, anxiety feels like it is constantly weighing you down. In my own experience, it feels like being stuck in a well, trying to claw your way out but failing. Soon, you give in to your fate and the water presses in on all sides, smothering you. You can’t even scream for help.

But anxiety can be treated, and it doesn’t always have to be from therapy. Talking to people you know, for example, can be a good way to alleviate these feelings. Or writing about your personal experiences, whether that be with a journal or poems. I write stories to escape every once in a while. The important thing is to have a coping mechanism, to be able to find time to breathe. Remember, anxiety may seem like it is controlling you, but it really isn’t. There’s still the logical part of your brain and, even though drowned out by anxiety, it is still there. Listen to that, it’s always right.

No one cares about your mistakes, they have their own lives.

No one is watching you.

This is all in your head.

Yes, I have panic attacks. Yes, it’s hard for me to do things that would be easy for someone else. My anxiety is holding me back, but it doesn’t define me. I hope that one day, I’ll find the strength to escape the well that condemns me.