One afternoon I was feeling sick to my stomach and feverish and stressed for my math test. Logs were causing me dreadful confusion. I needed to go home and rest my head and actually get some sleep. I felt dizzy when I stood. I walked to the office to asked the woman at the front desk to please call my parents to come and pick me up from campus. However, I had a math test the next period. I did not know what to do. And I am an extremely indecisive person. My head rushed. I had ten seconds to decide. 

I decided to walk into my math class, late. This teacher took tardies very seriously. Onethedotwas late. She was the best math teacher that I have ever had. Ms. Algebra 2/Trig Honors. I did not want to disrespect her and lose her trust. Despite the feeling in my head and stomach, I went to class. She scolded me for being late and denied answering my question about the homework because of my tardiness. little did she know, I was proud I even went. I have never skipped classes before. I took the test. I could not finish it. I had never not finished a test. Tears welled in my eyes as I turned it in. My head was not ever there. I had never scored so poorly in my entire life. I took grades a little too seriously. I sheepishly so admit to using grades as a measure of self-worth.

My teacher at the moment assured me that I did fine, because according to my track record, of course, I would have. 

At the end of the period, I was almost brought to tears. Ugh, I was such a wimp! I forgot how to do math. I forgot how exponents work. How elementary of me! Neurological stress signals blocked the math memory folder that I was digging for in my brain. I turned it in unfinished, something that I have never done. I handed the sad, scattered, and empty papers to my teacher to be stapled and told her that I had done very poorly. Again, she reassured me and said that I surely did not. I was on the brink of tears telling her that I didn’t finish. She told me it would be fine. It really wasn’t, and it lowered my semester grade on my report card, and I even did extensive test corrections. 

When doing test corrections  I saw how simple the questions were despite them being a whirlwind in the moment. I was horribly disappointed in myself. However, I have come to be proud of my decision. I wish I could tell Ms. Algebra 2/Trig Honors what went through my mind. I did it for her. Not for the logs, but for how appreciative I was of my teacher.  I would never want to show her any disrespect. 

Looking back, in hindsight, I should have come home and stayed in bed. It turned out that I did have the stomach flu and that my quarter grade would have turned out to be one level higher. I was devastated for the longest time. However, looking back, I have no regrets. I came home and told my parents. They said that I should have called them and come home. They knew me, the type of student I was, and how hard I push myself.  I am proud of my decision. Not the results or how hard I pushed myself, but how I acted in the situation. 

I may not be able to choose the topping or flavor of ice cream I want, or whether I would like it served in a cup or in a cone, but I do know who I am and how I will always treat others. In retrospect, I should have stayed home and if I were to make the same decision today I would have gone home. For me, please remember that you are human and deserve the love and leeway that you give others. Go take a nap or go out and do something you love, please! 

What a world we live in. 

Too stressful if I had to say so myself. We are constantly pressured by ourselves and the world around us, even if we don’t realize it. We are all victim to the crushing weight of perfection and judgment. We must allow ourselves to come up for air once and a while.