Anorexia is defined as an emotional disorder characterized by an obsessive desire to lose weight by refusing to eat.

I, as a teenage girl in our modern society have always had a constant pressure to loose weight thrusted upon me, ever since childhood i have felt as if every ounce of baby fat has been closely under scrutany from those surrounding me, such as my parents, aunts and uncles. Each careless comment regarding my weight has clung to me as close as the very skin that seems to suffocate me. Every day there would be some joke at my expense, whether it was something to do with the fact that i was always the heaviest dancer on the stage or that i wouldnt be needing a coat as the extra weight would keep me warm during the winter. The worst part of my early childhood was the plays on my name, "Poppy PIG" was a favourite of the dimwitted boys in my year five classroom. 

The result of such cruelness should have ended with a stern word from a teacher or countless apologies, but no, you see years of embarassing torment lead to an issue much more serious, anorexia bulimia.

I was larger when I was younger so when I lost two stone in a matter of months I was praised by my parents, teachers and both my classmates and their parents. I loved it, I finally felt acceptable, I knew of the various health risks and long term reprocusions, but as long as i was thin and people kept praising me each dress size I went down it wouldnt matter that I starved myself during the day and binged and purged when night fell. 

I was caught a few times, my mum would say that i didnt need to do this and question why I wanted to result to such a harmful cycle of behaviour, I shrugged and promised that it would be the last time. Of course these were empty promises, to which I never had any intent of seriously following up. This condition was my friend, it saw me at my most vunerable and always gave me an easy way out. My new slim figure gave me confidene and I earned myself a boyfriend, I earned myself everything I had wanted, the anorexia allowed me to have this. Without it I felt I could never achieve this attention. But I still hated my body, I still needed to restrict myself just a little bit more.

Flash forward five years and I am in a bed in a body I still hate, my weight yo yo's and doctors interviened. I hated the idea of my precious dirty secret being exposed, being whisperd to my parents and amongst the faculty at my school. Such an invasion of privacy made things get worse. But now i see my disoder as it is, its something that has clouded my vision and puppeted me for far too long, it is a friend that is greatly damaging my body and therefore is a foe. I am aware that I have to take others on this personal journey of recovery and that anorexia is nothin to be ashamed of, its something to overcome, to conquer and come out the otherside as a wiser and happier being. Because anorexia doesnt give or earn you happiness it earns you a false idea of the perfect life and body.

This is my personal journey and anorexia comes in as many forms as there are people who suffer from it. I understand that such a story does not resinate with most people, but its mine, and its one I needed to relate. Remember you are beautiful and loved, remember apearances are deceptive, those that are struggling can be silent so dont judge someone before you actually know them, and anorexia will always be a foe.