When I was in year 5, I didn’t know alot. But who does? I received a note saying ‘I hate you!!’ Being young, we do the natural and go to a teacher. I didn’t expect what was to come in year 6. Day after day I would be excluded from playground games, I would be shunned aside like I was nothing and every day I went home and cried because I had done nothing to these ‘friends’ of mine. And so on and so forth my sob story continued but I fought to be a winner and show them every day that I wasn’t afraid to sit alone and that I didn’t care. High school began and I was thinking ‘thank god primary school is over, new start’ but obviously I am so detestable that no one liked me but pretended to be my friend. Year 8 I fought harder to be brave. This is when I began growing tall and I was quite skinny and I still am, so skinny and lanky were common favourites to call me which has partly made me quite insecure about my weight because it was and still is often speculated at that I’m too skinny. One girl called Antoinette is all it takes to break you. Shall I tell you what happened? I argued with my best friend and everyone took her side leading onto one girl influencing 26 girls in my class to ignore me and talk about me behind my back and shout things at me while I walked past them for 3 months. I got booed walking into my lesson. Yet despite being almost broken, I became strong. I never sought solace in self-harm, I kept my head up and acted the same every single day. Year 9 brought fresh problems in the form of boys. I became close with the girls who made my life hell for a while then she tried again to do the same to me that she done in year 8 but I told her to stop and it did. I had a boyfriend called Luke and he was not the nicest person I’ve known. So a girl called amber decided to go out with him once him and I broke up. I told her not to and that it was a mistake. I used to walk into the classroom to people singing ‘R.I.P to that b**** you used to see, her days are over’ over and over again. And so the name calling and the back stabbing began for a fresh wave of pain.
I am half Turkish and that is very important to me, so savannah decided to say ‘I’m glad I’m not a Turk’ which led to a nasty fight with which I still have a scar on my left cheek.
Then things started looking up after Luke and amber broke up and she started apologising frantically and saying ‘I was so stupid’ with which to admit caused me happiness because they finally listened to me but I did not dare do to them what they did to me, so I was nice and helped her through. Now I am in year 10 and it has begun again. I was accused of ‘being jealous of not being invited to someone’s birthday party’ which is complete crap because I don’t like any of those hags from hell (Antoinette, Tyra, Amber). Which led to being talked about constantly and even a plan to have me smashed up, heyy I got away with that one and I’m still in one piece because I was smart and told a teacher. They can call me names but I want my face the way it is thank you! I used to walk past them and be called a slut or ‘err’ and I spent time in my best friend’s form room at lunch but I used to come back into my class to dirty looks and ‘err you don’t belong here’ along with ‘shouldn’t be in here’. This has been happening since October and it is now January. I am strong and I do keep my head up but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t get to me. Of course it does, I’m a teenage girl who is constantly being put down but it has made me who I am partly so who is to complain? Obviously I cry sometimes because I never fight back. In 2 years I have never retaliated when I get called names or when I’m talked about. I just let it be. That is what is hardest though, the feeling that you are allowing yourself to be put down but I realise I am winning if I don’t say anything. These people are my friend’s sometimes and more often than they are, they are not my friends and I get verbally abused again. That’s my story and it shall continue into year 11 no doubt but I will keep my head up.