How mentally tough are you? Do you think your mentality and mental health are strong or weak? Personally, how mentally tough I am is a questionable question for myself. I have struggled with my mental health since 6th grade. My whole life I have heard phrases like; “Wow she can actually talk” , “She's just shy” , “Does she even talk”, “I almost forgot you were even here”. Everyone just brushed off me as a shy person and loved to step on me. Up until 6th grade I was a shy, quiet, sheltered, religious girl with 2 friends throughout elementary and then 2 different friends in middle school who slipped away as sly as a snake. 

I think my mentality has definitely developed and changed throughout time in my life. I have always questioned how and why I was shy. I always tried in my head to be outgoing or make up things to say in my head but it never really worked. I always was second guessing myself. Through events, words, people, experiences, thinking, and more my brain thinks in different ways it's never thought like before. In elementary school I was not tough mentally. I was naive, quiet, sensitive, and a crybaby. I would say my mentality was weak at that age. In middle school I had an even worse mentality, probably the worst in my life. I developed an eating disorder, anxiety, and depression. My eating disorder robbed the energy right out of me. And sleep was crawling away from me. That was a weak time in my life for my brain. Yet my mentality has built back up with a lot of work. 

I would not say my mentality is perfect but it is most definitely strong. I was possibly diagnosed with borderline personality disorder this year. They told me I am too young for a real diagnosis because it will show more when I am older. I am hoping I don't have this but everything matches up with me. My mind thinks as if the world is black and white, it's like I'm in a room constantly shifting or jumping across a line to a black side or a white side.  When you are a borderline sadness feels like suicide. “I'm so depressed I could kill myself” is a common mindset of borderlines. But this is why I am strong mentally. I work so hard to think smart, be self aware, not to be impulsive, think like a strong successful person. 

A time when I was mentally strong was when my ex boyfriend broke up with me. Sure I was sad but I handled it very well, it was even while I was on vacation. Breakups can feel like suicide and like like is ending to borderlines but I was tough mentally and knew that if he left me then he does not deserve my love. I try to think like I am balancing the world and everything in my life. For example too much kindness will get taken advantage of, yet not giving enough kindness will leave you and everyone around you feeling empty. My mentality is strong for the emotions and thoughts intertwined into my head and heart.