Fallen angels and Dying birds
She was. That’s all. Nothing more. She just was. And when she was, she was everything. My everything. You know I can remember when we were kids, playing in the field behind our neighborhood. Her hair a golden glow that met the sun so perfectly. Her mouth so delicate yet firm that spewed lullabies in my ears. Her being, a gift from the angels and stars above. From that moment forward I knew. And she knew too. In so few words… I loved her then and I love her now.
11:00pm
I’d been waiting for her to come home. I hated when she did that. I mean it literally made my skin crawl and my heart sink. She always made plans with me and blew me off last minute. But this was valentine’s day, our day. How could she?
12:00 am
She stumbles in, opening the door to her room. Finally I thought as she turned the lights on.
“What the h--- Azria? What’s wrong with you? I almost had a heart attack. Why were you just sitting in the dark? Why are you in my room at all? Get out! I don’t have time for this ---- tooonight.”
I motioned towards her but stopped.
“Have you been drinking?”
“What’s it to you? I don’t have to answer to you. You’re nobody.”
“Nobody? Look at yourself, you’re drunk off your --- and you don’t even know what you’re saying. I was worried sick about you. We had plans remember? Wait, of course you don’t because you never do. You know I would’ve at least expected you to keep your word on Valentine’s Day.”
She was sweating profusely, I could see beer spilled on her shirt, and smell the lack of innocence emitting from her uncleansed soul. She was repulsive and I didn’t want to think of her in that light. She was better than that. She was still my everything. I just needed to leave.
“Clean yourself up. We’ll talk in the morning”, sending the door into a loud echo behind me.
1:00 am
As I walked towards the stairs I heard a series of gags behind me. To turn around is all my heart would allow.
“Let me hold your hair.”
She continued a series of gags and the smell of booze filled the air.
“This wouldn’t have happened had u just kept your plans with me for once. Sometimes I feel like you just – you’re in this for what you can get out of it.”
She just looked at me with a straight stair for at least a minute until finally her stare went into a gaze of compassion and sympathy of a sort. In that moment she held my glass heart.
“That’s all I was ever here for. It was always only ---. I thought you knew that.”
And with those words it was shattered.
2:00 am
I don’t know if she even saw it coming but within a matter of seconds I was on top of her watching the very life within her slowly drifting away. Her eyes and such alertness and I could see heart beating through her vomit covered shirt. There was fussing and kicking which only made my grip tighten more as if I were wringing out a towel.
Huuuugh
And the silence.
To finish I swiftly gave one good swipe of my pocket knife across the tube where no longer flowed… Just like swiping a credit card. The flow of red on her pale skin sent a wave of excitement through my body. So I kept stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and just when I thought I was done I kept stabbing some more. The adrenaline brought back the feeling of the first time I felt her skin on mine. I counted each time my blade went in and out of her icy flesh. 63 times.
“So that’s what happened in order Mr. Starks?”
“Completely,” I responded unaltered.
“Mr. Starks do you regret anything?” The white coated man leaned in as if half way curious and half way hoping I’d say what anyone would want to hear me say in this situation.
Taking a drink of water, clearing the lint off my pants, and then clearing my voice, I gave him just the opposite of that.
Sometimes I think maybe she could have come to love me, you know? Maybe her heart could have beat for me just as mine beat for her. And under that circumstance of thinking, of course I regret it. I mean who wouldn’t regret missing out on the chance to spend forever with someone that will love them forever, but then I think back to when we were kids and I remember that day. That day that she was so beautifully running through the field of grass with her golden hair blowing towards the sun, blending together as if they were one. And I think how perfect she was in that moment and every moment leading up to that. But that moment was tainted because then when we found this dying bird, she tried to revive it and her efforts failed. Literally with one touch she killed it. She was not God as she had tried to be, she did not make miracles. She was the grim reaper, a poison, a cancer that killed everything she touched. I was so stupid. I should have known but as a kid you never know. So I followed her around like a lost dog. There at her every beck and call. She was not and angel with white wings and a halo, she was fallen with black wings and a smell of death. And with that circumstance I regret nothing.”
We sat there for a moment, no movement, no sound. He just stared at me and then the ground and then me again. Almost as if waiting for me to scream April fools in February.
“That concludes our session for today, he manages to creak out. Before you leave I need you to record your name, age, and why you here.”
He couldn’t even look at me anymore but I don’t care. The truth is a b**** sometimes.
Oh well.
Beep.
“My name is Azria Starks. I’m 15 years old and I killed the only person I have and ever could love. And she was my sister.”