The Chronicles of the Potato
   Chapter 1, The Beginning
Once upon a cliche, there was a little potato, sitting very snugly under the ground. This is when the first potatoes began to be farmed. As you may know, potatoes are used widely across the world, but what you may not know, is that they were not always like this! For now, we will start in the plains of Idaho, where all potatoes originated from. There we will see a small farmer, known as Thomason Brockulous, and here is where the story truly begins. Mr. Brock, you see, was the father of the potato. He was previously a curler, but back then curling was half as immensely popular as it is today, and he quickly chose to become a farmer. He started his farm, when he noticed that there was this little stub in the ground. He took it out, and realised that it was edible! He knew that something as delicious as it must be kept a secret, and so he farmed potatoes in secret for years. He tried hiding them all in his house, but that didn’t work, and so that is why he chose to hide them in his grass, which he always made sure to trim. Believe it or not, no one noticed them! That is, until Jonathan Ashbook came over asking for some money. He then found the potatoes, and questioned mr. Brockulous about it, but mr. Brockulous just told him they were squishy rocks. Mr. Ashbook then considered asking for one, but instead decided to just take one. Eventually he realised that Mr. Brockulous was lying to him, and that they were actually crops. However, just like Mr. Brockulous, he knew that they must be kept a secret, yet he also wanted to share them with the rest of the world and make loads of money. The solution, was to smuggle them.

Since then, potatoes have become much more popular in lots of places, even in public places, and of course when the food inspectors come in then they magically become ‘out of stock’, when in fact they just need to get them past the police. I myself, am a world famous potato smuggler, but I do it much more covertly and dangerously than your standard supermarket smugglers. I, in fact, was the one who brought the potatoes into peru and other places in the world. While some say that they were always there, just a different color, they are simply falling for my trick. I in fact, painted the first few potatoes I planted there purple, as to disguise them and so, it has worked so far, and no one thinks that potatoes there ever originated from Idaho. This secret is just one of many that I have kept hidden from the public eye, until now. The method of hiding it using freshly cut grass is also widely in use, and not just with humans. I have several colleagues of mine, including a horse, 2 dogs, and one very resourceful deer. Therefore, if you see any of them hiding stuff in the grass, just give them a wave and pass them by. You may also want to know that if you do try to turn them in, or anything that they may see as drawing attention, they may very well kill you. You didn’t think that all those attacks from animals were just a coincidence, did you?

Anyways, we shall continue the story of the potato, right where we left off. The potato had already been spread to Peru and South America, but the rest of the world still needed to see it. That is therefore why I sent in potatoes disguised as snacks, known as chips, or fries, over to Europe. From this I realised that these europeans eventually went to America and brought with them my fries and chips. The idea of potatoes was really spreading across the world, and yet no one knew where they came from, exactly what I wanted. Thomoson Brockulou’s descendants eventually opened up restaurants which were called “swift food”. Jonathan Ashbook’s descendants eventually created the ‘mashed, baked, fried, and really everything else’ potato. With potatoes very quickly becoming industrial, I decided to continue smuggling them into different states that needed them, since they were still illegal to farm. I smuggled them into every state in the U.S.A, as well as several areas in Europe.

To this day, me and my ‘elven race’ go along delivering the yearly amount of potatoes to everywhere that needs them on December 27th, using my potato powered reindeer and sleigh. However, within the recent years, I have been having troubles, with the potato bounty hunters coming into power more and more as the years go by. I have been forced to bribe the children using the money I get off this potato business. These bounty hunters are convincing people that I don’t exist, and are then taking down my troops, while doing it so discreetly that no one notices. These bounty hunters are being hired by several large potato companies who want to have a monopoly on the industry. However, they all think it is each other who are giving out the potatoes, and so I am able to take advantage of this. These bounty hunters are quite deadly however, and even with the advantages I have, they can very easily pick off my elves. That is why I decided to run for president, running the name Benjamin Harrison. I will win, became the most famous and well known president of all time, and have a plan.
  
Chapter 2
presidency, and the potato blight’s return!

I have gotten through my peak of power as president. In a few years, it will be over. Confused as always, my advisor walks in on me talking to a few friends. he asks if everything is ok, and if my friends want some freshly cut grass from the lawn outside. Obviously they would want some potatoes, but I don’t tell him that. I simply wave him off and continue talking and thinking. This, after all, may be the only time all day I get some time to just talk and rest in private with my 4 legged grass eating friend. I never thought that being president meant you actually had to be productive! After all, not many presidents ever are. Finally, I get up to my I-Potato and check the stocks on potatoes. It seems as though the potato blight is really affecting the industry. Many people have been asking me to “legalize it bro”, however, what they have forgotten is the fact that Potatoes must be kept secret, or else the bounty hunters and big potato industries will rule supreme over the rest of the world! The sacrifice of the legalization of the potato is less important than the end of the world, just barely. As I thought about this, I saw out of the corner of my eye a rather large police officer walking up to the door. He then proceeded to trip on my carpet, topple over, and run away into his car. I think about what he thought he was doing, walking up to the white house without any reason. I wonder what this potato blight will really mean for the general populace! Right as I think about that one of my top scientists walks in. He says that he has good news and bad news, and I ask him if it is at all related to the new book coming out, called Chronicles of the Tomato, which I truly would love to read. He regards me as a bit strange, as always, and then tells me the good news, which is that he has found a cure for the potato blight! The bad news is that so has everyone else, and the big industries will be trying to “legalize it bro” very soon! Then I ask him what the sales are on Purell™.

Chapter 3
Luke the Fat Cop

“Man, I really love these new potato flavored donuts they have here! Such a great new flavor best friend!”, I murmured to my best friend and colleague.
“Actually, those are disgusting, and that’s why they gave them out to you for free. By the way, don’t call me your friend, ok?” My potato hating best friend said.
I know he is just jealous, and talking about jelly, I think I that I am going to get a jelly donut as well! I really am happy that I am a cop, because getting free donuts is the best!
“Hey, you can’t just sit here and eat donuts all day! Get on patrol!” my colleague yells.
“Ok, fine., I will go on patrol now, and definitely not do anything other than go on patrol...” I speak, and very slowly walk into my car.
“I still can’t believe he bought that” I whispered to myself, and at the exact same instant, my colleague says “I can’t believe that he thought I bought that! Better tell chief that Luke is up to something again”
I then proceed to think about what I am actually going to do, considering the fact that I am not going to be going on patrol. Right then, I pass by the White house, and think about how strange it is that the capital and the white house location has been changed to Idaho! Then, as I think about that, I wonder if it is possible to have purell flavored donuts, or maybe even potato flavored purell flavored donuts! As I think about that though, a car with the insignia of a bounty hunter rolls by. I realise that maybe I should actually get something done, and then come across a frightening connection! “What if the reason why the capitol is in Idaho, is that the president is the secret potato smuggler of legend!” I then decide to march right up to the white house, request immediate entrance, and arrest the freaking president! “Think about how popular you would get, you would become not only a hero, but a legend!” I can imagine it now, the amazingly handsome Luke, walks right up to the white house, arrests the president, and gets him in jail! I get out of my car, and walk right up to the white house, with quite a confident stride in my step as I walk up the steps. Then, as I walk up to the welcome carpet, I realise they must have been expecting me, and they shot me with a tazer of some kind! I am in such shock, that I cannot think straight, until I realise I might have lost the oppurtunity, and therefore sprint as fast as an olympic runner to my car. I drive away, all the way to the station, and plan how I will be able to arrest the president, while applying purell to my entire body, when the chief walks in with a not-so-friendly glare.