In 2009, a young man at the age of twenty years had been dealing with a psychological disorder since he was twelve years old. Timmy had dealt with psychiatrists before and none of them had satisfied him. Timmy was feeling suicidal and was close to the breaking point. When he decided to sit down with one more psychiatrist, Doctor Emerson, to work over his problems, it changed the way he viewed his entire life. This psychiatrist wanted more detail, he wanted to go deeper. The following is part of the conversation between Timmy and Doctor Emerson.

Timmy:
“My story begins when I was 12 years old. And here I am now 20. I never thought something so small could grow into something so big. Maybe if I hadn’t just tried to shrug it off, it may have changed my life.”

Emerson:
“Many people do that Timmy, it’s a defense mechanism of the brain. Trying to convince ourselves that it’s not reality.”

Timmy: *laughs*
“I don’t know what reality is anymore doctor...”

Emerson:
“I understand. That’s why I’m here, Timmy. Why don’t you begin by telling me about ...when it started, Timmy?”

Timmy:
“Okay. Well, I was going to sleep that winter night. I crawled into bed like every night. But that night felt different. Something about it, I don’t quite know I was...I was almost...paranoid.

Emerson: *squints*
“About what, Timmy?”

Timmy: *shakes head*
“I don’t know Doctor. Anyway, I lied there with my eyes closed waiting to fall asleep; however, the last few nights I hadn’t been sleeping much. It took more and more time every night to fall asleep. I had no idea what was happening at the time so I just told myself I would be fine in a week. Worst choice I think I’ll ever make.”

Emerson:
“Timmy, there’s nothing we can do about the past. What’s happened has happened. The only we can change, the only thing we do have power over is the future. Our future. You understand, yes?”

Timmy:
“I think so. Y-yes. I do.”

Emerson:
“Good. Continue after that, Timmy.”

Timmy:
“Well, a week passed sleeping like this. Then another, and another, progressively getting worse until, eventually I got no sleep at all. At first I was tired all the time, but when that passed, I was just normal. It didn’t affect me. That’s when I started thinking I was someone...special...like I didn’t need sleep. I wasn’t a normal person anymore.”

Emerson:
“You thought this was good?”

Timmy:
“Yes, at the time, I did. But of course, looking back, that’s when you know something has taken a dive for the worst. I wish I had known that then.”

Emerson:
“I see. Well, anyway, you said you weren’t affected by the sleep deprivation anymore?”

Timmy:
“Yes. It was great for a while. I wasn’t tired anymore. But then the hallucinations started, and I could see my life losing it’s meaning one day at a time.”

Emerson:
“What kind of hallucinations, Timmy?”

Timmy:
“That’s the worst part. They could have been anything and anytime, anywhere, it didn’t matter. But the first one, the first one is burned into my long-term memory. Always will be, even when I die, it’ll always be there.”

Emerson:
“What happened during the first hallucination?”

Timmy: *sighs*
“My father had left me when I was 7 years old. I missed him so much. He was my best friend, my guardian. All I wanted was to see him again. Of course, during the first hallucination, that’s exactly what I got.”

Emerson:
“Your father? I wasn’t aware of that Timmy. I’m sorry.” *scribbles in notepad*

Timmy: *stares blankly into the floor*
“My father appeared behind me with a hand on my shoulder. He spoke with a different voice, however. One much deeper and just...darker. He said ‘Wake up. Wake up, Timmy. WAKE UP.’ He disappeared when I turned around. It sent chills down my spine and the whole classroom started to fade. I woke up in my bed sweating. I thought it was just a minor case of night terrors. I looked at the clock and got out of bed. It was 6:00 AM. I went grab my toothbrush at the sink and after that...”

Emerson:
“After that what, Timmy?”

Timmy: *looks up*
“After that...I looked in the mirror and told myself, ‘You gotta stop dreaming like that, Timmy.’ Then I realized , Dreaming. I’m...dreaming. I bolted up and looked in the mirror, but as I backed up against the wall, my reflection just stayed there. Stood there like a zombie with no emotion. Then it bolted it’s eyes towards me and my nervous system just...overloaded. It lead a sly grin on it’s face and opened it’s mouth to talk. It screamed as loud as it could, at least that’s what it looked like. It made no sound, just a silent bloody scream. It stopped abruptly and as I looked down, there was blood coating my hands flowing down my fingers onto the floor, making a puddle of...blood. And then I looked up...”

Emerson:
“What did you see, Timmy?”

Timmy:
“I looked up and my father was the reflection, getting closer to me. I could still feel the blood dripping off my fingers. My father burned holes in my eyes. I could feel him looking into my soul almost. He opened his mouth and with the same dark voice he chanted, ‘My blood is on your hands.’ as he leaned in closer and closer. I was holding my breath, scared beyond my mind could process. He started to speak again...in a whisper he said, ‘Timmy...wa...wake...wake up...wake up Timmy...WAKE UP.’ And I awoke in my classroom again realizing I had hallucinated and passed out. After that hallucination, I haven’t known reality from my mind. And I still don’t. I looked at the clock in the classroom I had been asleep for quite some time. It was 6:00 AM.”

Emerson:
“Well, Timmy. I believe this is a part of your subconscious. Our brain’s have something called a waking consciousness which are your functions that you use everyday. Aside from that, our brain also has something called the altered state of consciousness. This is when you are asleep or under the influence of a psychological drug, etc. People used to believe in subliminal messaging this way. You’ve probably heard of old methods, people putting on audio-books while they sleep believing they would awake with the knowledge. Obviously, this proved to be incorrect; however, the altered state or subconscious levels of the mind do exist. I believe your long-term memory could have stored information or feelings toward your father and his abandoning you that you didn’t know existed or even forgot about. This could be coming out in your hallucinations as a way to relieve these feelings.”

Timmy:
“Yes. Well, I guess I’ll schedule another appointment for tomorrow maybe?”

Emerson:
“That sounds great, Timmy. I’ll prescribe a medication to help with the hallucinations right away.”

Timmy started to stand to leave when he felt a sudden chill come over him. He turned around to face Emerson but he was gone.

Timmy:
“Doctor Emerson? Where...are you?”

Timmy backed up starting to get scared when he felt a liquid roll down his fingers...and hit the floor. Doctor Emerson appeared in front of him and the room, it felt like the world, had gone completely silent. Doctor Emerson spoke with a dark voice, “Wake up Timmy.”