Taped Interview 1: March 10th 1976
“Doctor...May I please ask you a question? Have you ever meditated? A state of complete connection with Gawd. And when you’re sittin’ there quiet, you have to be quiet, suddenly you can feel him enter your body an’ take over your soul. It is the best feelin’ I ever did have! I, myself have a very special connection to Gawd, one that many of you ‘normal’ beings wouldn’t understand, but I am his special child and I can remember the very first time I heard him. I was just six years old a few days after momma was first taken in to hospital. I sat holding my rosary beads on my bed, as quiet as a mouse. The dull afternoon sun, creeping its way through the curtains and illuminating the ruby sheets around me. I held those beads so tight; my fists grew whiter and whiter until... I heard him, right in my head. Now I can’t tell you exactly what he said doctor that is private, only between me and him. But I can tell you that he praised me, for being a good little girl and for doing what is right in the eyes of Gawd. Spare the rod, spoil the child…spare the rod, spoil the child. From that day on he began regularly speaking to me, but only when I was in complete silence and was focusing all my concentration in his direction.”

Taped Interview 2: March 22nd 1976
“What is my reasoning for entering the mental health profession? Why I don’t believe I chose to become a nurse but instead it was God’s plan for me. My momma was always in and out of hospitals whilst I was growing up as she had a disease of the brain called schizophrenia, which as a doctor yourself; we both know is a breakdown in a persons thought processes, so she was often not dubbed ‘safe’ to stay at home. So as a child it was my papa who raised me. The sterilized floors, starched white sheets and the intoxicating smell of bleach engulfing the room, I used to love visiting my momma when she was at a hospital near our home. Everything in there was pure and clean, the only imperfections were the patients themselves. But that can be changed. I knew Gawd had made my momma this way so he could lead me in to this place, this hospital. I still remember the screams of the struggling patients being wheeled in to the ECT rooms, the excitement which would course through my body. 1, 2, 3 and there out. A forced meditation. Allowing them to exit this disturbed world momentarily and spend time with Gawd, just like I do. ECT is still today my most favourite part of this profession. It feels as though Gawd has literally climbed inside of my body and is taking me so high, it makes me physically shudder with excitement. But my papa, he didn’t like it in there and would always get upset when he would see momma strapped to that bed, whilst nurses routinely came in pouring tablets and medicines down her throat. His arms would stiffen and his grip on my hand would grow so hard, it took all I had not to scream. But screaming is not aloud. Naughty girls scream. Gawd doesn’t like naughty girls. I’m a good girl. Sometime after visiting momma I would cry at home because I wanted to go back, not to visit her, but to see the hospital, that’s where I belonged. But my papa would get angry at me when I acted in this way. Crying and screaming means noise. Noise means you can’t hear Gawd. And a child that don’t listen to Gawd is bad; a child that don’t listen to Gawd has to be punished. His hands hold my wrists so tight I can feel the evil being pumped out of every pore. The hot breath of Gawd on my neck. I hear his breathing in my ear…faster….faster. I feel Gawd inside of me, taking over my body, at first it hurts but the tighter I close my eyes and squeeze my beads in my hand I slowly begin to drift away. Silence and darkness. I don’t know how long i have been meditating for but finally Gawd is here. His voice in my head; “spare the rod, spoil the child. Good girls are quiet girls. You’re my good girl not like your momma. No one that loud can ever hear Gawd that’s why she is where she is.” I used to pray for my momma to be quiet and would ask Gawd how I could help her. That’s when I had the epiphany and discovered my true calling in life; to work as a psychiatric nurse an’ help those people like my momma to find Gawd.”

Taped interview 3: April 7th 1976
“I run my ward on tight schedule and believe ‘firm but fair’ is the only way to help these people. With the help of ECT and a strong faith in Gawd, I have the ability to punish the evil which is inside of them corrupting their minds and help rid them of the diseases Satin has put inside their bodies. Watchin’ them on that table, their eyes, I love looking in their eyes as I switch that lever. That current spreading through their bodies, it’s like physically watchin’ Gawd enter them as they pound on that table, their breathing; so heavy…faster…faster until finally, silence. Silence, I like silence but that baby just keeps screaming. My papa gets so angry with that baby, I see it in his eyes every time she open that mouth and start wailing. They just leave her screaming all day. How am I supposed to hear Gawd with that noise streaming through the walls? The house is dark and the stench of old food and dirt fills the air. The floor is littered with garbage and clothes. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. They’re in there just watching that television but those screams echo down the stairway. Damp covers the walls leading up the stairs. I see her, red faced just lying there in her cot, screaming. She doesn’t even stop when I stand over her, the devil truly inside her possessing her body. The white of my own cushion is emphasised by the grey sheets surrounding her struggling body. The screams muffled become quieter and quieter. I feel the warmth of Gawd in my body as I press harder. Slowly the legs and arms lay still on the bed, the twisting and struggling of her body relaxes… silence. The intoxicating wave of Gawd takes over me and I hear him in my head ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’, Gawd doesn’t like noise and I’ll do anything for my Gawd.”