After I was born, everyone was happy. My mother was happy. My fater was happy. They say I was happy, and I'm sure I was. Everyone around us used to agreed that our little family was perfect. Since there were no arguments, that's what we were known as. The little, happy family.
They say my father came home from work, as usual. My mother met him at the door with a kiss on his cheek, as usual. Then, he picked her up right off her feet and said "Hey, baby. Lets get outta here for a while.", as unusual. She giggled at his romantics, and asked him, "Where should we go?" They say he leaned in real close and whispered "Anywhere you want, my darling."
And that was that. They packed the car full, carefully tucking their tiny toddler in the backseat. After they both jumped in, he said "Alright, babe. It's your call.". It only took her half a moment to think, then she leaned over into his ear and whispered something. He smiled, gave her a kiss,and started the car.
The sky was beginning to turn dark, and we had been driving for quite sometime. Apparently, so had the semi-truck driver, except much longer, before he crossed the yellow line and hit out car head on.


Years later, orphanages later, foster homes later, birthdays later, trends later, fads later, therapists later, I was in the best home since my parents' arms. I wasn't their first child, but I was the first non biological kid, and also the first one to live past infancy. It was their first time as foster parents, but it toook less than a week to decide they were ready to sign adoption papers. It felt a little weird, but it was nice to unpack my bag for once.
Amanda and Clark seemed to be typical foster parents at first, despite being new to the process. They were all dolled up the first few week, putting on their best acts for me and the adoption agency. Four days was usually the point where people began to crack, and their true selves peeked through. But at two weeks, neither slipped from their flawless facade. One think that was significantly different from them and all the other circut parents: They seemed completely comfortable living this way. Amanda always made delicious meals, Clark always made friendly conversations.
"Good morning, Joshua," Amanda would say every morning. "Is it a pancake or waffle morning?"
"Toast, please" I would mumble, still drowsy from waking up.
"What's today's plan, Josh?" Clarke would say as he walked in with a half-way tied tie, or shrugging on his sports coat. "Baseball tryouts after school, right?"
"Yep," I would say between bites of cereal. "Football practice should end around four. Got a big game tommorow."
"It's gonna be hot today, they say somewhere around the 90 mark."Uh-huh," I say as I wipe the rest of the syrup with the last bite of French toast. I grab my back pack and head out the back door for school.
"Don't forget a little jacket, it's chilly!" Amanda shouts from the kitchen.
"I got it!" I shout back as I head out into the snow.
I lived like this for about a year or so.

One day I came downstairs and to the table. Breakfast was already made. Amanda and Clarke sat across the round table from me, Clark on my right and Amanda on my left.
"Good morning Joshua, Amanda placed her hand at my place, motioning forme to sit.”I hope bacon and eggs are okay."
"Sounds great." I sat down and began to eat. Amanda and Clarke didn't have any food in front of them, just cups of coffee.
We all sat quietly as I finished my plate of food, and they sipped their coffee. When I finished, Amanda picked up my plate and placed it in the sink. Then Clarke finally broke the silence.
"We got a very exciting phone call last night."
"Yeah?"
Amanda came back to the table and sat down. "It was the adoption agency," she began. "And they've asked this family to foster another child." She searched for an expression in my face.
"And?"
"We told them we would ask you, since you are very much a part of this family."
I didn't really have a problem with other foster kids. I had lived with plenty before, some worse than others. But it wasn't a huge mystery as to why they had problems. But I was always the "new" one, never the "first" one.
"Yeah, I guess so." I shrugged.
They smiled and looked at each other excitedly. It made me a little happy that they were so happy. Amanda and Clarke were good people, and definitely deserved a family if they wanted one.
"We're going to meet her today. Now she is a little special, but not any different than you and I..." Clarke began to brief me on what to expect. I already knew this kid wouldn't be a field of daisies. No foster kid is. When we come, so does everything else. No matter where we go, physical and emotional baggage is always in tow. It's pretty much a packaged deal.
Since Amanda and Clarke were the foster system's dream come true, there wasn't anything to prepare, or clean, or hide for the visit. The house was always in pristine condition, Amanda always wore nice dresses in warm colors, and Clarke usually wore ties. Any other family would scramble to dry clean their ceilings before an agent came by, but Amanda and Clarke relaxed and waited. It was just another day for us.
And so we waited
And waited
Watched some TV
And waited
Ate Lunch
And waited.
At 3:26, a black car finally pulled along the curb.
"There they are!" Amanda chirped.
We stood at the front door, open and receiving for this mysterious girl. The driver climbed out and opened the door for her. And I swear, I've seen some bad kids. But she was probably the worst they could dig up, since Amanda and Clarke were so willing.
She stepped out of the car, and I could already smell her. Poor hygiene skills weren't uncommon, but hers seemed nonexistent.
"Hello!" Amanda cried. They began walking towards the girl and the adoption agent. I have no idea how the woman sat in the car with that girl. The adults shook hands and thanked each other. The adoption agent was the same woman I had when I was still in foster care
"Hello Joshua. How are you?" she asked.
"Pretty good."
Closer, the girl appeared much younger, and much dirtier. She seemed like she was only eight or nine. Amanda bent down to her level.
"Hello, honey. What is your name?"
The girl only stared back, not saying anything.
"Oh, I'm so sorry" the agent profusely apologized. "She is legally deaf and mute. Her name is Anne Marie."
"Well hello Anne Marie." Amanda stuck her hand out for the little girl to shake, but the just continued to stare.
"We believe that if she is in an intimate home, perhaps she could come out of her shell a little bit." suggested the Agent. "May we go inside?"
"Of course, of course!" Clarke ushered everybody inside "Would you or Anne Marie like something to drink Ms..."
"Jackson. And no thank you."
I allowed the adults inside first. Anne Marie also waited, but not for the adults. Now she stared at me intensely. I gave her a tiny smile.
"I was also a foster kid." I assured her.
The dead-locked stare down never faltered.
"Okay..."
I went inside, and so did she. During the entire tour of the house, she stayed right beside me. She never stopped staring at me. At first, I tried to ignore it, but it was impossible due to the fact that her entire goal was to make eye contact. So then I tried to play along. I stared right back, with the same emotionless expression that she gave me. Then I saw something even weirder: she smiled. Not with her mouth, though. It made the same thin line from the moment she got here. But something in her eyes grinned like a Cheshire cat.
This wasn't the usual weird I was expecting.
As the tour wrapped up, Amanda and Clark agreed to foster her. Starting next week, this creepy little girl would be staring at me from across the table at breakfast.
When Anne Marie and Ms. Jackson left, Amanda began cooking dinner. We ended up having chicken alfredo.
"What did you think of her?" asked Clarke
Amanda swallowed her bite. "She's worse than you were," she pointed her fork at me. "But I think she would be a lot better once she becomes used to us and living here." She took another bite and chewed for a while. "What do you think, Joshua? Would you be okay with her living with us for a bit? We haven't settled on adopting her, but I'm sure she will open up to us.”
I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, I guess so."

Later that night I went to sleep and had a dream, where I drew pictures and they came to life. They walked and talked, but they only said one word.
"Woods"
I drew a dog, but it didn't bark.
"Woods"
I drew a car.
"Woods"
Everything I drew went around whispering "Woods". They whispered "Woods" to
me, they whispered "Woods" to each other. I even drew the word 'woods', and it materialized, only to speak of itself.
Then something poked me.
"Woods"
It poked me again.
"Woods"
I woke up and opened my eyes.
"Woods"
Anne Marie stood over me, simply repeating the word "Woods" over and over again.
"Woods"
"What? How are you even in here?"
"Woods"
She grabbed my hand.
"I met them in the woods."
"Who?"
"They're in the woods." She appeared to be covered head to toe in dirt, small twigs stuck out of her hair. "They're waiting in the woods for you."
"What? Who's waiting?"
She tugged on my hand "They want to meet you in the woods."

She led me out of the house and down the street to the edge of a heavily forested area. I held her hand the entire time, despite how bad she smelled and how dirty she was. There was something oddly comforting about it.
"Well," I said. "let's go."
We walked through the brush and between the trees. It seemed to stretch for miles. I didn't believe there was this much undeveloped area, but there was no arguing against it. Hours and hours of walking, and neither one of us were tired. I trusted her to know where she was going, and I even felt like I knew which general direction we were heading too. She could have stopped walking, and I would have felt comfortable enough to keep walking without getting lost. The sun came up quickly, and then set as equally fast. Then it came up again, and then it set again. Sunrise. Sunset. Sunrise. Sunset.
The trees around us turned brown before our eyes, then bare, then light green, then dark green, until it became brown again.
"Almost there" she assured me.
As soon as she said something, the tree line ended. It seemed like everything ended. The other side was completely white. The ground was white, the sky was white. Everything was white except two people that seemed like they hung in the white space.
"There they are." Said Anne Marie.
She was right.
My parents stood right there.
Mom on the left
Dad on the right.
Just like I remembered them being. Young, and beautiful.
"Hello sweetie. We've missed you."
I couldn't hold myself back. I ran into their arms, bawling. This was every Christmas list, birthday wish, and prayer from the last twelve years of my life. And it all stood before me.
"He looks just like you" Mom said to Dad.
He pulled away and looked at me hard. "No honey, he's got your nose and eyes."
We hugged for several more minutes until Anne Marie tapped me on the shoulder. "Are you going to stay?"
I looked at her confused. I had a choice to stay? I didn't even know where we were, but I could stay? Looking around, there wasn't much of anything, just an abundance of white.
"I'd have to go back and get my things-"
"You can't."
I pulled away from my parents. "Can't what?"
"Return."
I could feel my throat immediately close up. All my words stuck to my ribs and in my chest. "I-I can't live here though?" I looked to my parents. They shook their heads no. Tears began to form in my eyes.
"That isn't a choice." I argued
"There is always a choice, Joshua." Anne Marie replied.
I closed my eyes, sending tears streaking down my face.
"I-I can't st-tay."
A sharp gust of wind knocked me flat on my back and then I quickly sat up in my bed, gasping for air
I was back in my bed.
And in my room.
In my house.
Without my parents.
I felt like I was freezing cold and stiff. The morning sun peaked through my curtains, and I got up to push them aside. It warmed my skin back up, and I began to feel a little better. I walked downstairs, everything back to how it was. Nothing ever happened, and it was all just a dream. It wouldn't be the first dream he saw his parents, just the first dream he saw them like that.
"Good morning, Joshua." chirped Amanda. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah," I lied.
"Okay, thank you for letting us know." Clarke hung up his phone. "Amanda, that was the adoption center." He looked at me, considering if he should continue talking.
"Yeah, what did they say?"
"Anne Marie passed away last night"