INT. HOUSE PARTY NIGHT

CHRISTOPHER
(to Ryan)
I don’t know why I’m even at this party man, I don’t know anyone.

RYAN
It’s cool man, you know me! These guys are fun, plus, this is your opportunity to pick up some chicks, no’msayin’?

Females walk past Christopher and Ryan, one girl looks at Christopher and smiles before walking away.

RYAN
Dude, did you see that? That chick’s totally into you! Go get her number man!

CHRISTOPHER
What? No, I don’t think she was.

RYAN
Chris. You need to get back into the game. You and Cailey broke up 2 months ago and you still haven’t embraced the single life. You are going to go over there and get that girls number.

CHRISTOPHER
Alright, fine, but don’t expect any miracles.

Chris walks up to the group of girls.

CHRISTOPHER
(To Sophie)
Hey, can I get you a soda?

SOPHIE
(Smiles at Christopher)
Yeah, totally!

Christopher and Sophie walk away together toward the kitchen, in a conversation. Ryan walks towards the other girls.
RYAN
Hey girls, does anyone here have a boyfriend that could kick the crap out of me?

GIRLS
(Shake heads)

RYAN
Sweeheeheeet! Well I’m Ryan, nice to meet you.
_____________________________________________________________________________


INT HOUSE KITCHEN, NIGHT

(Christopher and Sophie are in the kitchen, in the middle of a conversation.)

CHRISTOPHER
(laughs)
That’s hilarious! 4 times?

SOPHIE
(Laughs)
Yeah! It was the funniest thing I had ever seen.

CHRISTOPHER
You know, Sophie, I really like talking to you.

SOPHIE
(Smiles)
I like talking to you too.

CHRISTOPHER
(Get out phone)
Do you think I can get your number? Maybe I can get in touch with you again and we can hang out some time?

SOPHIE
Totally!

CHRISTOPHER
Awesome! Alright let me pull up my contacts.
(Play on phone for a few seconds)
Alright, what is it?

SOPHIE
Okay, haha. It’s Three One Four, Five Seven Si…

Vick walks up to Sophie and Christopher


VICK
(To Sophie)
Hey there.

SOPHIE
(stuttering, shy)
H-Hi.

VICK
What’s your name?

SOPHIE
Sophie, what’s yours?

VICK
My name? (looks away) Is Vick.

SOPHIE
Oh my God, Vick is like my favorite name!

VICK
What do you say you and me ditch this party and… (looks away) You can listen to me play contemporary music on my guitar and read poetry?

SOPHIE
There’s nothing I want to do more.

Vick and Sophie start walking away together

CHRISTOPHER
Sophie wait, are we still going to hang out?

SOPHIE
(Without looking back)
Nice meeting you Christian!

CHRISTOPHER
But… It’s Chris…

_____________________________________________________________________________

INT HOUSE LIVING ROOM NIGHT
RYAN
(To Girls)
So yeah, baseball is a great sport, but football is easily more exciting.

GIRL 1
Yeah, but baseball players have much cuter butts than football players.

RYAN
You know, you are a lot cuter when you aren’t talking.
(Sees Christopher walking over)
Well ladies, it’s been nice.

Ryan gets up and walks to Christopher

RYAN
My man, how’d it go?

CHRISTOPHER
Some dude named Vick came and just took her away from me man. I don’t know what went wrong, I felt like we were really connecting, you know?

RYAN
Oh no, Vickster the Hipster? I hate that dude. Always talking about feelings and stuff. It makes me sick.

CHRISTOPHER
I don’t understand. She was about to give me her number.

RYAN
Well, I’ll be blunt. You know what Vick has that you don’t have, bro.

CHRISTOPHER
I don’t think I do.

RYAN
Bro… You gotta wear a beanie. Girls are into that “sensitive, hipster, band merch, let me tell you about these bands no one has heard of” kind of guys. That chick picked Vick over you because he’s always wearing beanies, and beanies are like babe-bait.

CHRISTOPHER
So you’re telling me that Vick gets the girls, not because of his looks personality, but only because of his headwear?


RYAN
That’s EXACTLY what I’m saying, bro.


CHRISTOPHER
Wow. I have known you for 10 years and that is the single dumbest thing you have ever said. It’s a hat.

RYAN
Whoah, whoah whoahwhoahwhoahwhoah, bro…. It’s not a hat, it’s a beanie! You don’t understand the power that those things have.

CHRISTOPHER
Then why don’t you wear a beanie?

RYAN
Walk with me.

Ryan and Christopher walk together through the house.

RYAN
I don’t need to wear beanies to get girls, man. I dress in polos and sperry’s. Women don’t care about looks or personality anymore. You can look like straight anus, but as long as you dress to a certain stereotype or demographic, the females will crawl all over you.

CHRISTOPHER
I don’t know man, is it really that simple?

RYAN
Bro, because I love you, I’ll hook you up. I keep an emergency beanie in my pocket at all times, you never know when you need to pick up some hipster chicks. Here you go.

Ryan hands beanie to Christopher

CHRISTOPHER
(Puts beanie flat over head)
Alright, I’ll go try this out.

RYAN
Wait bro, you’re doing it wrong. (Adjusts beanie) You have to make it look like the beanie is barely on your head. Push it as far back as you can and scrunch it over so you only cover your rear parietal and occipital lobe.

CHRISTOPHER
So it barely covers anything? It’s not even functional like that, and it feels like it’s about to fall off my head.

RYAN
Functionality is obsolete in fashion, bro. And exactly. Women like a guy who lives dangerously. Nothing edgier than endangering your beanie, ya feel?

CHRISTOPHER
I guess.

RYAN
One sec bro, I got one more thing for you.
(Walks off screen)

CHRISTOPHER
What are you…?

RYAN
(Returns on screen holding duffell bag, unloads contents)
Here you go bro, to finish your look. We got some dark skinny jeans, some vans, and a blink-182 shirt. Chicks love blink-182.

CHRISTOPHER
Why do you even have that?

RYAN
I told you brah, preparation is everything, and you never know when you need to take off the polo and start acting like you listen to punk music.

CHRISTOPHER
I don’t know if I should be impressed or concerned.

RYAN
Be both!
(Throws clothes in Christopher’s face)
Put these on!

CHRISTOPHER
Uh.. Alright…
(Walks offstage)






______________________________________________________________________________

INT HOUSE LIVING ROOM NIGHT

CHRISTOPHER
(Walks into liiving room)
Alright, how do I look?

RYAN
You look like you’re about to save a depressed cat from a tree after finishing your shift at Starbucks. It’s great.

CHRISTOPHER
Well thanks, I guess…

RYAN
One more thing.
(Grab guitar from behind couch)
Hold this when you’re talking to the girls.

CHRISTOPHER
I don’t know how to play the guitar?

RYAN
There you go again, saying stupid things that don’t matter. Just hold the guitar. If a girl asks you to play just say it’s out of tune or something.

CHRISTOPHER
Alright, I guess so.

RYAN
Hey look (points)
It’s Vickster the Hipster and that one chick.

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah, it is.

RYAN
Why don’t you go over there and get her attention back?

CHRISTOPHER
You know what, I think I will.
(Walks away, turns around)
Hey, Ryan.

RYAN
What’s up, bro?

CHRISTOPHER
I really appreciate this man, thanks.

RYAN
Good idea, talking like a sissy goes good with that look. Go get her bro.

Christopher walks away, goes up to Vick and Sophie.

CHRISTOPHER
Hey Sophie.

SOPHIE
Hey-
(Swoons)
Hey Chris… You look different.

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah, I tried wearing mainstream clothes so I would blend into the other people at the party, but it just ain’t me, you know?

SOPHIE
Oh my God, yeah, I totally get it. I didn’t know you like blink-182? OR play GUITAR??

CHRISTOPHER
Soph, there’s a lot of things about me I haven’t gotten to tell you yet. If you want, we can get out of here and drive around to a college radio station, and I can tell you all about it.

SOPHIE
That sounds like so much fun! Let’s go!
(Gets up and walks away with Christopher)

VICK
Sophie wait-

SOPHIE
Did you say something Chris?

CHRISTOPHER
Nope.

Christopher and Sophie walk by Ryan, who is sitting with the girls again.

SOPHIE
Hey girls, me and Chris are gonna get out of here and get to know each other better.

GIRL 2
OOOOOH, have fun girl!

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah, I’m out Ryan, I’ll catch you later.

RYAN
(Mocking Girl 2’s voice)OOOOOOH, have fun boy!

As Sophie and Christopher walk away, Christopher and Ryan share a silent nod to each other.

EXEUNT CHRISTOPHER and SOPHIE

RYAN
(To girls)
Well then, which one of you girls wants to become emotionally attached to me tonight and then get upset when I never call you again?

GIRL 1 & 2
Me! Me!

(FADES)