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Dead At Midnight

January 16, 2009
By Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
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Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
29 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?

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As Asha lay on the snow covered ground, there was a pain rising in her. It felt like shards of glass beening fourced throughout her veins and her throat burned like the fires of hell..The creature that attacked her was very attractive.....
Nikolas O'Grandy had never attacked an inccent human in his life but tonight he had lost control. He had never seen a girl more lovely than her...Fair dark hair, down to her waist, and violet eyes her skin was pale white. She was lovely.
Asha had drawn her last breathe.
As she woke again. She had a strange craving...for human blood. She stood gracefully. She drew in a deep breathe then gasped in pain. She caught a strange scent then ran for it. She stopped dead in her tracks comeing across her older brothe Aaron. He looked at her.


"Asha what is wrong with your eyes?" Aaron was in touching distance of her now. She wrpped her arms around him.



"Forgive me." She p;eaded then let her instints take over her. Her fangs periced the skin on Aaron's neck and soon blood invaded her mouth...Soon so did his memories. Asha tried to pull away but there was no use the taste of his blood was bitter, sweet in her mouth. Then came the last memory and it was her new eyes...Blood red.

Asha dropped her brother. She looked at him. Limp and his lips blue as ice. Asha wepped silently and walked away from the living world to the world of the.........UNDEAD.

© Lauren S., Reading, Berkshire, UK

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 23 comments.

Amer-Nae PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 20 2013 at 2:16 am
Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
29 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?

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there are two more parts to this if u havent already read them
Ambs,T said...
on Mar. 22 2012 at 7:03 pm
Ambs,T, Roanoke, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Act on your impulse, swallow the bottle, cut a little deeper, put the gun to your chest. Ellen Hopkins-Impulse

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Now this is my kind of story! Keep writting stuff like this, it's awesome!!!
coolio said...
on Oct. 7 2011 at 9:36 am
nice story!
lilac teardrop said...
on May. 24 2011 at 5:23 pm
ALOT of grammar and punctuation mistakes and it seemed kinda rushed. Take your time! It was a little cheesy. 
Draglea123 said...
on Apr. 7 2011 at 8:09 pm
Wow you seem to be easily impressed. It was okay but I agree with the above comments.
likeitmatters SILVER said...
on Mar. 29 2011 at 6:19 am
likeitmatters SILVER, New York, New York
6 articles 0 photos 26 comments
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A little wordy at times, too short, and punctuation/grammar. To be completely honest, most all vampire stories are all the same. So, if you insist on writing about vampires then make it something that no ones thought of before.
MaysileeDonner BRONZE said...
on Jan. 31 2011 at 9:02 pm
MaysileeDonner BRONZE, Milpitas, California
3 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Too close, I thought. There was nothing wrong with fire... as long as you didn't stand too close."

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it was a creative idea, but you should check your grammar and punctuation, and maybe deepen the plot. otherwise, thumbs up
gtgyal108 said...
on Nov. 26 2010 at 11:43 am
do you have a continuation? please write back. this was pretty good.
Dragonscribe BRONZE said...
on Oct. 23 2010 at 9:38 pm
Dragonscribe BRONZE, West Lafayette, Indiana
4 articles 0 photos 303 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;A Person&#039;s a Person no Matter how Small&quot;<br /> and<br /> &quot;A Rose by Any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet&quot;<br /> and<br /> &quot;God helps those who help themselves&quot;

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Sorry, I'm just talking about the last line; it's a little dramatic - more than I like - but I know that's my opinion. I really do like, so no offense intended.
Amer-Nae PLATINUM said...
on Oct. 22 2010 at 4:40 pm
Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
29 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?

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Umm excuse me? How is this cheesy? I dont think that it is..
Dragonscribe BRONZE said...
on Oct. 16 2010 at 6:53 pm
Dragonscribe BRONZE, West Lafayette, Indiana
4 articles 0 photos 303 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;A Person&#039;s a Person no Matter how Small&quot;<br /> and<br /> &quot;A Rose by Any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet&quot;<br /> and<br /> &quot;God helps those who help themselves&quot;

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Little cheesy...I liked it, though.
Ashley_Tucker said...
on Sep. 21 2010 at 4:21 pm
Ashley_Tucker, Granger, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real? ~ Albus Dumbledore

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The only part I thought wasn't like every other vampire book out there was how the persons memories also drained with there blood. That's really creative, try to make it longer so it doesn't become like every other book and try to center it around the memory thing.
moochie said...
on Sep. 21 2010 at 1:19 pm
moochie, Philladelphia, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
life is hard but never give up!

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i agree i think it could have been a little bit longer but over all the short story was really good :)
Wilde29 said...
on Jul. 2 2010 at 4:49 am
Wilde29, Prai, Other
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
*Slams Oscar Wilde&#039;s works on table*

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It's really nice. : ) Although vampire books are left right and center yours sound cooler
EllieK. BRONZE said...
on Jun. 6 2010 at 3:16 pm
EllieK. BRONZE, Wilmette, Illinois
4 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Not all who wander are lost&quot;<br /> JRR Tolkien<br /> <br /> &quot;Sometimes life sucks, so suck it up&quot;<br /> -ME<br /> <br /> &quot;&quot;We succeeded in taking that picture (from deep space), and if you look a it, you see a dot. Thats here. That&#039;s home. Thats us. On it, everyone you ever heard of

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I liked it overall, but think it was a bit short and could have used some more description, mainly depth in the characters. Also, vampires are a bit overdone these days. Other than that it's good.

Also, would anyone mind checking out any of my work. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks

korhel said...
on Jun. 3 2010 at 5:55 am
korhel, Rockhampton, Other
0 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about you... But I can&#039;t because I know you won&#039;t come after me... And that&#039;s what hurts the most.&quot;

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she had fair and daark hair?:S good story tho
cyanidesun BRONZE said...
on May. 26 2010 at 8:43 pm
cyanidesun BRONZE, Atascadero, California
1 article 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is the eye of ignorance that assigns a fixed and unchangeable color to every object; beware of this stumbling block. -Paul Gauguin

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Vampire novels have become so very cliche. It seems like everyone wants to write one. My recommendations? Try for something a little more original. Maybe when you wake up in the morning, you could record what your dream was about. Who knows? dreams can be very  inspirational. If that doesn't work, simply google a topic you've been interested in before. Learning new info. about the world around you could spark your interest. Strive to do something unheard of! Besides that just simply work on grammar and spelling because they really do matter. Last but not least, try not to overuse a "..." moment. When used at the correct moment it can deliver a real punch to the drama but too much and it can get overly dramatic and repetitive. I hope that helped. Keep perfecting your writing! :)
SerraAngel GOLD said...
on Apr. 16 2010 at 8:38 pm
SerraAngel GOLD, Buchanan, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;we have nothing to fear but fear itself&quot;.

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Awesome I LOVE it. I wrote a vampire book 2. PLZ check out Eternal Night: Chapter 1 (under all fiction) and COMMENT!!!!!
_NoAir_ BRONZE said...
on Mar. 28 2010 at 9:32 am
_NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 1 photo 463 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. Each one deserves a closer look.<br /> <br /> <br /> &ndash;Golly (Harriet The Spy)

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Nice work! Plz post more of ur work. P.S Would you mind reading some of my pieces of work, people?
Curly_Sue said...
on Dec. 31 2009 at 1:19 pm
Curly_Sue, Sand Springs, Oklahoma
0 articles 0 photos 75 comments
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It's kind of rushed, but really really good. Nice story line.