The man: “My contact with the cat is illusory. The cat and I are separated as though y a pane of glass, because we live for tomorrow always seeking what we don’t have, but this magical animal lives in the present, in the eternity of an instant. The cat doesn’t care where its next meal comes from, doesn’t worry where it’s going to sleep tonight.”

You: “Why doesn’t it worry?”

The man: “Cat’s have always been cared for, even back into the ancient times, where they were worshipped in Egypt. They never had to worry about anything because all their needs were taken care of.”

You: “Wasn’t there a cat goddess named Basteded or something like that?”

The man: “Why yes, but her name was Bast or Bastet, the Egyptian goddess of cats and protector of pharaohs. At one point she was the sun goddess herself and worshipped by all. She can shape shift into a lioness or a housecat. When you die and are judged in the underworld she is the one who weighs your hearts.

You: “Oh yeah, that person!”

The man: “There are many legends that say Bast had children both cat and human alike. The Egyptian Mau is said to be one of her strongest lines of descendents.”

You: “Oh, so she was just a big cat lady?”

The man [irritated]: “She wasn’t JUST a cat lady, she was a well known and worshipped goddess okay!? I own four of her cats.”

You [under breathe]: “Well somebody’s a little obsessed.”

The man [anger then forced calm]: “I AM NOT, I mean I am not obsessed, many people have many cats, just because I have four doesn’t mean I’m obsessed.”

You: “Uh Huh, sure, I really believe ya there, [Mumbles] probably have 10.”

The man: “I heard that! I don’t have 10; I have seven.”

You: “AHA! You said you had four and now you own seven? You lied to me!”

The man: “I didn’t lie; I just bent the truth a little so you would trust me more.”

You: “How the heck am I supposed to trust some crazy cat man who comes to my table and starts randomly talking to me about some Egyptian goddess who had some crazy obsession with cats?!”

The Man: “Look how about we start from the beginning?”

You: “ok.”

The man [clears throat]: “My contact with the cat is illusory. The cat and I are separated as though y a pane of glass, because we live for tomorrow always seeking what we don’t have, but this magical animal lives in the present, in the eternity of an instant. The cat doesn’t care where its next meal comes from, doesn’t worry where it’s going to sleep tonight.”

You: “Why doesn’t it worry? What if we all die tomorrow?”

The man: “Cats have always been cared for since the beginning of ancient Egypt and if the world was to end tomorrow they would let us know.”

You: “Why would they let us know if they don’t seem to care about anybody but themselves?”

The man: “Cats are very proud creatures but they are faithful to the people who care for them.”

You: “Why do you say that? Do you own any?”

The man: Yes, I own 5 cats.”

You [jumping to your feet and pointing a finger at him]: “AHA!! You lied again! First you said you had four and then you say you have seven and now five!”

The man: “What do you expect me to say with you yelling and shouting at me? I’m getting all flustered!”

You: “You’re just a crazy cat man.”

The man: “Look here’s the deal, you’re one the direct descendents of Bast which means your part goddess and the world as we know it is in danger unless I train you in magic and swords by the end of this week and you defeat a dangerous enemy who wants to destroy the world.”

You [grabbing your stuff to leave]: “Oh yeah sure and your Jebediah from Star Wars, I’m outta here.”

The man: “Wait don’t leave, I can prove it to you! Give me your hand.”
You: “Why should I give you my hand? What are you going to do breathe on it?”

The man: “Just give me your hand”