We sat on the warm cushion of concrete with the soft sun shining on our faces.  There was a light breeze that rustled through our hair.  I still enjoy remembering back on those days that we spent together all those two years ago.  Her soft voice made it seem like she was constantly singing.  She would always get embarrassed at something: she thought I was too good for her, blushed when I held her hand; blushed, and then got annoyed at all the nice things I did for her; when we said “I love you” at the same time.  I yearned for the times that we could sit on that short wall that overlooked the sunset, and little shops, without any distractions.  It was always so peaceful while we were at that park, nobody else ever came there.

Often our conversations were playful bickering about how she should not do nice things for me because she had saved me from the monotone life that I felt like I had before her, and that I should not do nice things for her because I did not have enough money… I am sure that my feelings were far greater towards her than her feelings towards me.  However, it was first love for both of us, maybe just me, and the warm rapids of emotions that come with it are insurmountable.

On the last time we went to that park, I remember laying on the slope of grass; it was at such a decline that it was only a little less steep than the angle at which one typically leans against a wall.  I rolled my head backward to see that she was locking her bike up to mine.  I rested my arm to the right of me so that she could lay her soft hair on my inner elbow.  Looking back, I think she only stayed there for two minutes, but it felt like she had stayed for twenty minutes.  There were no thoughts in my mind because I longed to absorb everything.  I absorbed the grass that I sunk into like a bed, the feel of that soft hair, her gentle breathing, her fluttering heart, and the warmth of her that made me neglect the calling of the warm sun to focus on her.  She sat up slowly with her back slouched, and legs tucked near her body; I did not bother sitting up with her because the sun was shining through the golden hazel of her hair.

When she stood up a few minutes later. maybe a few seconds, I sat up to watch her walk over to the coral tree to climb it, even though she knew that I hated seeing her do that.  I knew that something was going to happen, she would fall, get bitten by a deadly bug, or even the tangent of her getting a scratch on any part of her perfection terrified me.  I was the only one that could get hurt back then, nobody else was allowed to, and if they did, I was the one who got hurt because I would throw the blame on myself for not being watchful enough.  I leaned against the tree so that I would be right underneath her to cushion her fall.

I asked with shaking worry, “Why do you climb a tree if you know that I will not climb with you and that I am terrified of you falling.”

She replied with her soft cackle of a laugh, “If I fell right now, and died hitting my head on the root below me, how would you live your life?”

With the sun shattering cold that came over me at the simple thought of not having her in my life, I choked out, “I would never love anyone the same way again, and I would choose to never have a child so that they would never need to go through anything close to what I had to go through.  I would continue living the way I did before I met you: trudging along, but with the fact that I watched the best thing ever to happen to me die right in front of me.  But don’t you know how much I hate even thinking about a future like that?”

She shot back a gleeful response that disturbed me quite a bit, “If you died, I would just go all Edgar Allen Poe and s***!  I would make my living off of the depressing writings that you inspired.”

I suppose they were similar responses, but the way she said it, in such a teasing way, made me realize that this all might be more one-sided.  So, all I could do was hope that she loved me at least half of how much I loved her, because I knew that: the hard concrete was cold, the sun was too bright to see out to the ocean, the harsh gusts whipped our hair into our eyes, the constant rumbling of cars on the highway below disrupted the possible silence, the grass were spikes that stabbed through my clothes and cut my arms, and she loved to play games with me to test my love that often hurt me and reaffirmed her feelings that she had a leash around my mind and heart; however, I chose to ignore it all because I loved her with every fiber of my soul.