10:07

It's a Thursday night. I leave tomorrow for Florida to attend my grandmother's funeral. My friends were shady tonight and ditched me-- it hurt like hell. I accidently ate something I was allergic to this morning and had to sit out of practice. Being within a ten-foot radius of my dad makes me want to scream due to his unrelenting uptightness. Everything seems to be going wrong, yet my mind still drifts towards your name and I can't quite figure out why. I can't quite figure out why a stale heartbreak trumps a death. I can't quite figure out why I see every fault in my friends' actions and no fault in you. I can't quite figure out why it was so easy for you to leave me behind in the dust and never look back. That's the thing-- anyone at any time can leave you without an explanation, and you'd have never known that your last conversation would be your last. I pride myself every time I can go  a minute or two without having your name race through my mine. I can't quite figure out why four months later I am still replaying the good memories and am unable to let go. I can't comprehend how you could have come into my ife and brought me more joy than I've ever known and then suddenly take it all away. You are the only light I know and without you I am surrounded by darkness. I can't quite figure out why the hopelessness won't seize to remind me that nobody's touch will ever feel the same to my skin. I can't quite figure out why I am not good enough for you when all I want to be is good enough. I can't quite figure out if I'll ever get you back, but I'll continue to gruel over it day in and day out--why? I can't quite figure out.