right for each other


We were texting the whole day until the conversation died. I tried whatever I could to bring up another topic, even though I was busy with my friends and would usually just let it go. I don’t know why this time I felt so desperate to garner up a response.

“Yeah,” was his response. It seemed to be one of his favorite recently. At this group gathering in the park, where I can see him…all he comes up is…yeah? “Hey, let’s go aside and talk,” I read. I was laughing with my own friends until my eyes glazed over this. Then suddenly it fell flat.

I was frantic when he asked if we could talk. It’s never a good sign, and I just wanted to run away. But he was a field away with his group and suddenly his eyes met mine. He confirmed I read the text and gave the okay for us to go now. I couldn’t deal with this right now. I wanted to join my other friends throwing water balloons and laughing, and “just talking” was far too serious for me. I couldn’t handle serious.

He said that elongated, “Hiiii,” and grinned with glistening teeth. He had this adorable eye smile that showed a little pink birthmark peeping through.

I tried to be calm, “Hi,” with a polite, uncertain grin. “What did you want to talk about?” I looked down again.

We sat on the nearby park bench to continue the discussion. A slightly weathered, dark rich wooden bench that I would have admired, had it been appropriate. He faced me seriously, “I’ve been thinking,” uh-oh. “Things have ah, changed, I uh, noticed.” The awkward atmosphere was so thick that you could cut through it with a knife.

I couldn’t deny that I noticed them too. That one text came an hour later. This was the first time we saw each other in 3 weeks. We were no longer each other’s priority. We both easily got bored…far too easily.

He asked me, “Do you feel like we were right for each other?” and such a deep sudden question shocked me.

“Uhhh…” was all that I could get out of my mouth. It was way too sudden and deep for me to even think properly.

“Yeah, I thought the same, so I kept thinking…maybe we should go our separate ways. You know, you’ve seen it coming, things haven’t been the same anymore. I don’t want to ask you to do this or that or change you. We just aren’t right for each other, I think. I mean, we’re going to different colleges anyways, so this was bound to happen.”

Separate ways. He always knew the perfect euphemism for times like these. He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and kept a considerable distance on the bench we sat at. Although his face was filled with nerves, all he could do was mutter, “Ummm…yeah.” And he glanced up several times to read my expression.

But I was too in shock to even register anything, and I was just sitting there speechless. Not sad, not happy, not relieved, not angry. Just a blank expression of subtle shock. His eyes moved back and forth, and suddenly he got up to leave. That was it. That was all he had to say. I didn’t even get a chance to respond, but I simply got up as well.

And soon we went our separate ways. We bid each other a polite, calm farewell and turned the other way. The calmness made me wonder if any part of this was real. Did he ever have real, deep feelings? Did I? And then a tear slipped out as soon as I had turned the other cheek away from him. Sometimes I wondered if one ever escaped his strong eyes.

Sometimes you can go for months with someone who is almost like your soul mate, you think. You guys have so much in common it’s uncanny. He asked if I thought we were right for each other. For months and months my answer would have been an immediate, “Yes.” But then it was too much, I guess. We were too alike and I saw the things I didn’t like in myself, and I think he did too. My first was too much of a polar opposite to work. My next was too much like me. And so I pondered the question, “Do you feel like we are right for each other?” once more and realized while walking.

You can never really know. You can think you know, but there isn’t a special formula. Sometimes it’s just about two imperfectly perfect people whose imperfections happen to perfectly fit one another. But you will never know for sure—trial and error, with the different types of people in your life. And who knows, maybe it will surprise you what actually works out.

And I turned once more at the park bench where this all happened.
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I don’t live here anymore, but when I do I visit this dark wooden bench which brings a bout of nostalgia of that young, innocent bliss. The maple leaves still gently lay upon the arm rests. The grass has weathered down to a yellow-ish green though. But the bench has a million new initials of more couples, because ironically, where feelings flourished for others, was where mine had ended. So I sat once more on this bench, running my calloused fingers through every crevice, every ridge, and every crack of paint.

I looked up once more, to a figure before my eyes. Just a little taller and bigger, the guy grinned with his glistened teeth with that tiny pink birthmark above his eye. He sat himself down closely and our conversations ran with blatant smiles and giggles once more.

And I don’t know what they say about that red tie that always connects certain people. I don’t know anything about fate and the coincidence of perfect timing. And a long time ago, this figure asked me, “Do you feel like we are right for each other?” And I realized we will never really know that too.