A Final Embrace | Teen Ink

A Final Embrace

May 11, 2013
By Ishara BRONZE, Colombo, Other
Ishara BRONZE, Colombo, Other
1 article 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is more fun when colored outside the lines


Today finally came. It had been months since she had last seen him. Text messages, emails and the occasional phone call weren’t enough; she wanted to just lie in his arms with nothing disturbing the moment. Although they lived in the same district, finding time that would work wasn’t easy as neither of their families knew because they would have disapproved of a relationship. Countless nights she had dreamt about this day: the bliss, the relief and that little bit of awkwardness that would disappear within the first few moments. She was dizzy with excitement and had needed a sleeping pill last night to actually sleep. They were to meet at the hotel by seven and have a nice dinner before they had to separate once again.

At half past six he was still in his usual cargo pants and button down cotton shirt. He had been in the jewelry shop as early as three in the afternoon not wanting to be late; he had wanted it to be perfect. But three hours had passed and he was still waiting for someone to bring that little velvet box that changed everything for him. He stood, paced, sat back down, and picked up the magazine from the table next to him. The Bollywood actress on the front was caked with makeup and even after editing there was no comparison between the actress and his girl. His girl; hopefully today that would really come true. He smiled at his memory of her and the receptionist stared quizzically at him. He tried to compose himself but found that it just made him grin more. Five minutes later he was walking out the door, his hand clutching the tiny box containing his future.

She didn’t want to be early; she was generally late for everything, but with nothing to do but wait with anticipation clutching at her throat, she had been at the hotel fifteen minutes before she was due to be there. She waited in the lobby like she planned, but she was so nervous she had gone to the ladies room twice, to splash some water on her face so that she would stop sweating like she had just come after shopping in Bombay instead of from the comfort of the place she called home. While waiting for him she had bitten off four of her carefully painted nails which she had asked her little sister to paint in fear of it not being just quite right. She checked her digital watch she always wore on her wrist; the time said it was 6:59 with just 27 seconds left for seven. She looked up and saw him walking through the revolving door scanning the crowd for her.

He looked to the left, then right before looking straight, into her eyes of melting chocolate. She was as he remembered her: her petite build making her look ever so slightly vulnerable, her round, hazelnut eyes giving her an innocent look, her hair tumbling down past her shoulders nearly reaching her elbows and finally her lips, full and peachy, which brought a series of memories with them, making him grin from one ear to the other. He was in shock from the fact that she was actually here, within fifteen meters from him; so close but so unbelievably far at the same time.

Saying he had changed was an understatement. She really had to look twice to see if it was really him. When they’d met he’d been a skinny fourteen year old and she a shy and slightly giddy thirteen year old. Now however, she saw a man who wore a look of confidence only people who were really confident could carry off. He had a sort of determination in his dark eyes that wasn’t there before. All six feet of him were suddenly there. Not something he’d talk about achieving when she was still growing and he was yet to start getting taller. He must have gained several Kilos of muscle as well because without needing to run her arms along them she could see the faint outline of his biceps through the shirt she had given him for his birthday two years ago. He looked at her and grinned as if remembering something. Seeing him grinning like that she couldn’t help but grin too.

Then the bomb went off.

They were thrown to either side of the lobby, as if there was some force that wouldn’t let them come together. Her body slumped against the back wall, blood gushing from two gashes on her head and on her leg. Her eyes were glassy- almost dead looking. He got thrown back, close to the shards of glass from the revolving doors that several people had landed in, glass sticking out of every inch of them. He had been thrown legs first towards the concierge desk and his knee downwards was pointing in the wrong direction. His head was in a pool of his own blood and there was a vile taste in his mouth after looking at his leg.

He craned his neck to look for her. The throbbing in his head increased and he felt a wave of nausea wash over him before his eyes focused and he saw her.

She saw him upside down; a disoriented look in his previously determined eyes. She used all her strength and pushed herself up with her arms, as her left leg was throbbing, and hurt when she put weight on it. After clawing her way through the obstacle course of people and rubble she reached him and lay down next to him as close as she dared.

He saw her crying on her way to him. He saw her stop several times to wipe her nose on her shalwar kameez before continuing towards him.

When she reached him she wrapped her arms tightly around him. Using his final bit of strength he pulled the box from his pocket and into her hands. She clung at him harder the open box lying between them, a reminder of what would have been if they hadn’t drifted off into an everlasting sleep.


The author's comments:
My inspiration was a photo I saw on the Factory collapse in Bangladesh, also titled A Final Embrace:

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This article has 8 comments.


on Aug. 6 2013 at 3:35 am
Z.Monika BRONZE, Dhaka, Other
2 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I sometimes seem to myself to wander around the world merely accumulating material for future nostalgias.”
― Vikram Seth, From Heaven Lake

Hey there Ishara, When that commerical building collapsed ( it wasn't a factory, it was a building that housed five factories, a bank and a market, among other godforsaken things) I was home watching the telly. I live in this area called Mirpur-1, and it takes you a little more than half hour to reach Savar ( where the collapse took place).  I actually went there with my cousin and donated blood to the Enam hospital, that was housing all the victims.  So It's really interesting for me, seeing someone being inspired by it and all. I love the whole jumping to and fro from the girl's POV to the guy's POV and the bomb bursting up at the wrong time.  But I kind of felt the whole idea wasn't exactly orginal. I mean, I've read stuff like this before. I'm not saying this isn't good. It is. But just that it isn't original enough for me. And as a reader I really look for that in a piece of fiction. Also, you kind of use too many unnesesary words in here. I’ll quote only one. You can easily figure them out. E.g. “She waited in the lobby like she planned, but she was so nervous she had gone to the ladies room twice, to splash some water on her face so that she would stop sweating like she had just come after shopping in Bombay instead of from the comfort of the place she called home.”
instead of the comfort of the place she called home? Other than that, it really reads nicely and I really appreciated you did not call the ring by its name, and only refered to it as “the future” Keep writing,
Monika    

pensive said...
on Aug. 5 2013 at 1:40 pm
pensive, Fcgbhjk, Maryland
0 articles 0 photos 25 comments
Wow, this is almost heartbreaking. As a person of Bangali heritage myself, I really liked little details like "She wiped her nose on her shalwar kameez." I wasn't expecting for the bomb to go off; you did a good job of striking the reader with surprise. Sure, there were a couple grammar and wording problems here and there, but I'm sure they can be fixed if you have a beta. Keep writing, you have great ideas!

on Aug. 5 2013 at 10:10 am
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

This was so heart wrenching! I LOVED it! It was  beautifully written and worded. You are a master at writing! There were a couple of times the wording was wrong. Example: "All six feet of him were suddenly there." It should be 'was' instead of 'were'. There were a couple more of them, but not too many.  The story was epic  though!  I just thought you'd like to know.  Now pardon me while I go rate this 5 stars. :)

Ishara BRONZE said...
on Jul. 24 2013 at 5:07 am
Ishara BRONZE, Colombo, Other
1 article 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is more fun when colored outside the lines

Thanks for the criticism! I'll keep it in mind :)

on Jul. 23 2013 at 1:08 pm
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

So much potential! I love the power that the sentence 'Then the bomb went off' has. I loved that. The way it's simply stated gives it all the more power. Because that is so powerful and devestating and terrfiying and just plain awful I think it needs to be contrasted with something just as powerful in the paragraph before but powerful in a beautiful, yearning and time-stopping kind of way. Make me feel what they are feeling. I keep picturing this moment where they both are looking at each other and their eyes tell it all. I feel like one would be so happy that they almost feel that the moment isn't really happening so there should be some kind of pause where they are absorbing the moment. That is just something I think would make the moment the bomb goes off even stronger. It would rip them apart, come on, break the audience's hearts. Play with us. Dangle their love in front of us on a string and then destroy it. This was very well written, I can tell you had a lot to say and it seems like you were very invested in writing this story. That's great! You caring makes me, the reader, care. After the bomb went off I was hanging on the edge of my seat. 'What's gonna happen next? I'm a sucker for a tragedy. Keep it up! Good luck with writing!

Ishara BRONZE said...
on Jul. 21 2013 at 10:25 am
Ishara BRONZE, Colombo, Other
1 article 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is more fun when colored outside the lines

Thank You!

on Jul. 7 2013 at 6:00 pm
dragonfly95 SILVER, Argaon, Georgia
7 articles 0 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
'' there is nothing to fear but fear its self''

I like this, I like this alot. :)

on May. 23 2013 at 4:26 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

OMG THI SWAS AMAZING! I mean, you nearly had me in tears, so beautiful! You have a serious knack for words. Please write more work!!! I mean, the descriptions and the longing in the piece was perfect. I could picture everything, and OMG talk abut unexpected!! I love the way that you didn't say death but everlasting sleep was perfect. Serious talent my freind. Also, I love the title, it makes so much sense!! Oh and I love your quote on the profile. I wrote a haiku called Wild Girl, mind looking at it?? Anyway this was great. If you ever want me to look at any more of your stuff or give you advice I will always be here, just post in my forum :) great work Ishara. Oh and if you don't mind, can you take a look at my work to?? Thanks for writing this, truly awesome! Keep rockin. Oh and WELCOME TO TEEN INK!