This feeling is so new to me. I would call it hormones but I know that’s not it. I would call it pain but that’s not it either. It’s a bittersweet sensation that attacks you at random. It claims your pride and fills you up with insecurity. Prior to this disease that has inhabited me, I was always confident, I never second guessed anything, this is not me. Since when have I for a second been on top of the world overjoyed by every single thing? But the next moment I can barely hold in the tears that I thought I never had in me.
This is so weird. What is this feeling? Ever since I met you this disease has taken over me. Now I suffer from insomnia, lying awake at night still in awe of you perfect face, Haunted by dreams of impossible possibilities of you and me. Now I suffer from lack of appetite, I can hardly eat a bite, without my stomach churning not for food but this time for you. And those mini heart attacks! I might have to see a doctor about this one. When you speak to me my heart skips a beat --- This isn’t right. Why do I feel like I'm gonna die? So why can’t I hate you?
I can’t find a word for this particular feeling? But all I know is that you are my only cure from this disease, so I think… why else do I crave your presence? And until then I’ll be at it, the dreams, the mini heart attacks, and loss of security always wondering if you were thinking about me. It’s a strange feeling. So would one of you care to enlighten me? If you can’t, I don’t know what will.... I feel so close to hate but at the same time so very far away. This is beyond science. And I don’t know what to take. Advil? Motrin? Zertach even? But until then, I’ll have to put up with this sensation, this pull towards you… why you? I don’t know but either way I’ll find a way to defeat this disease. And when I do, you better stay away from me.