Everything changes, Best friends ditch and boyfriends cheat but in the end, only the people worth it will leave footprints on our hearts. Sometimes, you won’t know why people left but you have an idea. In my case, I know why you left and it was pretty stupid yet I still can’t get over you.

I can still feel your soft, sweet poisoning lips brush on my skin on a summer afternoon. You made me feel like I was in heaven, where everything was white, bright, plain but simply beautiful. I felt like I had the whole world in the palm of my hand that is because I was holding your hand; you were my world.

Every time I look back at the way, you made me feel, it makes me think about how I feel about you now. The soft whispers I heard that made me change into the opposite person who I was. Do you remember? I know you do because it’s still vivid in my sight.

Slowly, they walked down the dark, lonely street. It’s a little past midnight and he was walking her home. Earlier that day, they had gotten into trust arguments. She knew something was wrong. The sound of his voice was not the same, the look of his face, and the long talks he had been having with his ex-girlfriend. All this thinking made her space out, she heard him trying to talk but he keep on hesitating. When they arrived at her front door steps, he sat on the warm cement step and she sat right to him. A couple of minutes passed and there was no talking … barely any breathing. She felt her spot in his heart closing up, yet she paid no attention. Then he spoke the words, the words she didn’t want to hear.

“I can’t go on this way. I’ve cheated and lied about it. I liked you too much and I didn’t want to get hurt, but I’m ending up hurting you. This isn’t the way I wanted us to end. I hope you can forgive me, can you?” He said with a broken voice. In a split second, she felt everything come back to her. Their summer days together were being fast forward, she got a sudden headache. Her heart sank down her feet, she felt heavy weight on her shoulders and dizzy, everything seemed so blurry in her eyes. She gently got up; he caught her off guard and kissed her one last time. His lips warmed up her body as he scrolled his finger down her face and hair. She felt his fingers cold and as if they were fading away, as if he was fading away... He really was. She pulled away from him and ran inside her house. As soon as she closed the door, she looked thought the window and saw nothing there. He was gone, completely gone.

I know you’re gone because I feel emptiness in my heart, my head and everything in me. As much as I try to forget about you, I cannot because the footprints you left on my heart are indelible. Not everything you have done and said will not get out of my system. A part of me wants it gone and the other part wants it to stay because that’s the thing I have left of you. I turn minutes into hours thinking about you, I’ve tried to put our broken love back to pieces like a puzzle but it’s as impossible as solving the Three Cups Problem.

There’s times when I look deeply into my situation. There’s time when I can hear my heart calling you out and when I ask myself why you had to leave while I was still holding on. I think to myself: Everything happens for a reason. Not everyone is perfect and we can’t always expect them to do what we want. Nothing last forever and neither did I relationship, so why should I keep on trying when in the end, it’s going to burn down again. Its better that you let me go because the later you would have done it, the more it would have hurt. I should smile because it happened and not cry because it is over...

Nevertheless, those are just things I cannot get myself to believe. I guess I am not ready to move on, I am not ready to let go of the thought of us. I hope you are happy, even if it is not with me, I wish you the best of luck, as much as it can burn my down inside, I hope you are happy. You will always be a part of me; your space in my heart will never close up. Our memories will always be vibrant in my sight...

10/30/09

Dear Diary,
Today it all ended. I’m hurting, but not enough to give up. From today and on,
I won’t let a boy step over me. Just like what he said, “I didn’t want to get hurt,
But I’m ending up hurting you.” That’s how things are going to work from now.
I’m going to hurt, tear up inside, then turn my heart into metal, have it be unbroken
And I am going to leave all my feels unspoken even if they are CHOKING...






Sincerely,






Confessions of a Broken-Hearted Girl *