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Coming Undone
I just want to be with you. What could be possibly wrong about that? To them, everything.
You were the best surprise that ever happened. I never anticipated that I would even be friends with you, much less fall in love with you. The day I first met you, my first impression stuck for a while. But I guess that's what you taught me--to let go of first impressions and give someone a second chance.
But you can give someone a second chance, but still hold on tight to your pride. Because after all, you have to reserve some dignity for yourself. If you do presume you are a smart person, then you must respect your own opinions. My first impression of you was that you weren't a nice person and that you would break my heart. I wasn't even really holding on to my first impression, I was just holding on to my pride and self respect.
So that’s why we were so difficult in the beginning. I wanted to be your friend, I wanted to be your lover, I wanted to be your everything. But I was scared and my walls were up, I thought I needed to protect myself from you. What I didn’t realize was the only thing I needed protection from was being without you, because now that’s where I am, and that’s' where the blood starts flowing.
I remember the first day. That day I realized I wasn't falling for you; I had already fallen for you--hard. That day I realized my walls were gone and I had never felt so vulnerable. That day I decided it was time to be a big girl, and save myself from future heartbreak and tears; it was time to walk away. In past relationships, that’s where it had always ended, right before anything happened, good or bad. I never went further than that, because who knew what would happen? That day I walked out firm and sure that we could never be anything more than friends, and even if you wanted more, I wouldn't take a chance. That
day you told me you loved me and wanted me by your side. That day a thousand images flashed through my mind but I reached out and grabbed you. That day I threw away everything else, all the other thoughts that ran through my mind, and took a chance.
That was the first day. And we are still walking down this road of who-knew. Yes I do cry and my heart gets broken, but it's still the same from that first day. When I chose you, and I always will.
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OMG that just as good as whiTe roSes