Helpless Love | Teen Ink

Helpless Love

February 12, 2024
By Anonymous

As I sit amidst the cacophony of sirens, I am almost lifeless. The vibrant joy I once felt within me has waned. The people in the room have no emotions, their faces are cold and dead. My father, Manny, sits with a vacant stare fixed on the floor. I wish I could help, I wish I could move, but I can't I am immobilized, I always am and always will be.


My life began like many others, from a peony seed planted for joy and comfort. My life is different though, Manny and Sarah, my devoted caretakers, live happily. Much like today, they walk into my view every day beaming with joy. I hope one day I will get a friend who acts like Sarah does to Manny, one can only dream. 

 

This night was different, however, as I sat on the ledge as normal, Manny and Sarah came in smiling wide, looking proud. Sarah is in a beautiful white dress and Manny is dapper in black and white attire, both displaying a look like no other, the look of love.


“I love you, Sarah, to the moon and back,” I hear Manny professing, his eyes brimming with adoration.

Sharah responds with the most infectious giggle  “I love you more Manny, infinitely more!” 

I don't know what love is, but it sounds like a magical thing, something only the luckiest of people have, I want love. Manny walks over to me with my water, smiling so much as he pours it on me, the water making my life thrive.

The next few days and weeks go by the same way, smiling, laughing, and the magic word love being said repeatedly. I enjoy watching Manny and Sarah be so excited, it makes my life wonderful beyond words. However the next morning when dawn breaks, I hear Manny talking in the other room, 


“Are you certain?” Manny’s voice, soft yet tinged with gravity, permeates the air. “This can’t be true.”


There is no I love you or laughing, I no longer understand, is this love, I think to myself. A few minutes go by and Manny walks out with water like the rain outside, streaming from his face. Right next to his side, Sarah stands doing the same.


There is an absence of smiles and laughter. The love has left, making the air feel heavy and thick around me. Everything feels so uncertain to me now, and I don’t know what to do about it.


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Days stretch into weeks, and since the call, Manny and Sarah remain absent. The house is motionless, everything is left dormant. However today as the sun is setting behind the city line, I hear the door squeak, opening slowly. After a few moments, Manny walks into the room followed by Sarah, however, they are only mere shadows of their former selves. Their eyes which I remember once vibrant, now bear the weight of unspoken burdens. They go to bed early that night, but I still hear them in the master bedroom. The noise just whispers in the calm night. I don’t understand the meaning of love anymore, if this is love, I want nothing more than to run from it.


As the days blur into weeks, Sarah starts to look different. The brunette locks of hair that once flowed magically down from her head are leaving her. Manny's bags under his eyes grew every day like the feeling of grief in the room. Every day Manny leaves for work, kissing Sarah's head as if it's the last time he will do so. Sarah stays home with me now, which I find pleasant.  I have been getting more and more water almost every day, and I get to see Sarah as she lays on the couch looking up at my mantle. Every time Sarah comes over she smiles a little, however, the pain and sadness she feels stand out. What happened to love I want to say, but I can't say anything. 

_________________________________________________________________


Five weeks have gone by now, im still with Sarah every day, however, this is not the Sarah I once knew. All of her joy is gone, her smile has faded and her hair is no longer there. Meanwhile, Manny, who was once a beacon of strength, has been reduced to a mere resemblance to his former self. I see the dark circles that surround his eyes, betraying the sleepless nights spent grappling with the impending loss he fears. 

This day, however, Sarah sits on the couch and I see her wince in pain. She sits there for a while and it looks like the water has come back to her eyes. She sighs and closes her eyes, she needs rest I think to myself. Maybe with rest, she will be better. Maybe with rest, all the pain will go away, and we can have love again, I miss love.

It’s late now and the sun has gone away, but Sarah hasn’t moved; she stays resting. This is good, I think to myself, I want Sarah to be ok. The door squeaks and I hear Manny walk in, 

“Sarah, I’m here love, Sarah where are you?” Manny says with joy in his voice from the kitchen. I hear footsteps around the house until they enter my room. Manny has flowers in his hands and a smile on his face. He looks around, spotting Sarah on the couch. He walks over and kneels, shaking her to wake her. 

Manny's smile is starting to fade, and I watch him drop his flowers. He is shaking Sarah harder and harder every second, waiting for her to wake up.

 “Sarah, talk to me! Please, Sarah, don't go, I can't do this without you!” He is screaming now, pain in his face and water rushing all over the place. 

“Please Sarah wake up! We promised we would do this together, we promised we would start a life together, and I promised, I promised I would help you.” 

He is shaking her but Sarah isn't moving. The room is cold and lifeless. Manny is on the phone now crying and begging for help, pleading for his wife to return, but she isn’t. I sit there, and I can't do anything. This is a love that has been shattered. It's a man who loves so much that he won't live without Sarah, and I don't think I can either. 

After what feels like a lifetime of Manny screaming and crying into his phone, five other people dressed in matching blue outfits run into the room and start shouting commands, they try to make Manny step out, but he won’t leave Sarah. I sit there as they poke Sarah, her lifeless body stays still. They open her eyes shining a light into them, but they are glassed over with nothing on the inside. 

Manny is in the corner shaking back and forth with water streaming from his face, as they pick Sarah up and lay her down on a bed-like structure. He collapses, pounding the floor with his fists, screaming louder than I have ever heard.  The room, which was once filled with love and laughter, now echoes with the haunting cries of despair. 


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In the wake of Sarah’s passing, I watch as Manny’s world crumbles around him. His desperate cries for help reverberate through the empty rooms, a reminder to him and me of a love lost. As Sarah's death looms large, I bear witness to the devastating aftermath of love that defied all odds. A love that now lies shattered, leaving behind only memories of what was.


The author's comments:

When writing this piece, the main thing that stood out to me was love. Love is such a huge aspect of almost everyone's lives. This piece takes the idea of love and shows what happens when the one thing you love is gone. Showing the experience through an outside view gives such a different look at what it's like to someone watching from the outside, as one's world comes crashing down.


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