And the rain came down harder. 

I stare up at the sky and once again get blinded by the drops that are coming at us. The brisk chill in the air lets us know the seasons are beginning to change. Trees around us are lackluster and missing the vibrance that they have had in years past. They had needed this rain a few months ago but Mother Nature was on her own schedule.  I grip my sweatpants, a nervous habit that picked up over the years. The wind whips around us, shifting the rain to come toward us.  I rub the overworn cotton between my fingertips then my left-hand unwinds from the tight fist that it had previously been set in. It shoots out grabbing his hand that had just been resting in his lap. He startles and his eyes widen in shock, having previously portrayed a close-to-content facade. Our eyes make contact for a split second. His hide questions, he is searching me looking to see what I am hiding. 

I stand and try to drag him with me up, my muscles are stiff from having been in a stationary position for so long and my joints crackle with protest. He is almost twice my size. We juxtapose each other with our heights differing with about a foot in between. In another time in place, I could have found it more comical but now I’m on a mission. He is standing now but we are still under the awning of the porch. I pull him along with me and my feet follow the dips and groves of the gravel as I walk.  I stumbled a bit, finding my footing but I  continued to drag him out, ignoring his protest until we were standing in the middle of the driveway. 

“What are you doing?” he practically sighs in exhaustion.

“Remember after our first date,” I reply with a bright glint in my voice.

“I think I remember.” Love and recognition haze over his eyes. 

I slip off my shoes and throw them back into the covering we had just left. The black top has a cool slick feel of water on top of the stone, making it less rough than it would have been before. I let go of his hands. Taking a deep breath I put my hands out to the side reaching out to the side as far as I can. I start to spin in a circle taking in the feeling of the rain openly coming down on me. I stop spinning when I have finished my little 360.  Emotions wash over me like waves crashing onto the shore.  The melodic pounding of drops on the shudders around us kept a tempo for our Waltz of the Rain. I start to dance and let the future and the past be just that for a bit of time.

 I step in time with the rhythm and my feet enjoy the rough feel of the gravel and tiny stones.  The roughness would not be a reason to break this feeling, the sharpness of the pebbles could not bother me. I gradually start to move more, feeling more comfortable, and at the same time, I am now dripping wet. Looking up into the sky the darkness has taken over and cascaded a blanket over us, making the sky look a smoky gray. The rain beads off my face and rolls down my chin, the drops feel like tears, tears that my eyes have taken a break from forming, letting the sky take over. 

Arms snake around me and I feel him pull me back down into reality. He rests his head on top of mine and I put my head in the crook of his neck. Following his motion and wrapping my arms around his waist. The wet shirts slightly stick to my skin but it is a small price to pay to be able to be close once again. He smells like rainwater and the stupid cologne that I bought him for Christmas two years ago. At the time he had promised me that he was going to use it until it ran dry because in his mind he could not believe me buying a bottle of cologne for such an outrageous price. It has since become a comforting smell of him and no longer the “overpriced” Dior bottle we joked about. 

He begins to hum the song that played when we got married. The calming melody helps us flow. He wrote it for me, saying that I was his muse and that he was not able to write music without it. I counter that and think he would be the next Beethoven even if he could only play one note. When fully played on the piano the dynamics and heart of the song are incomparable. The hum still soothes me even more, distracting me from the future and letting me focus on the now. 

Settling into a sway moving back and forth with each other we move with the trees around us and dance with the wind. We step apart from our cocoon and look at each other once again. He reaches out and combs a strand of my hair back messy behind my ear with his fingers.  Pulling back a red leaf had somehow made its way into my messy mop of hair and he had fished it out for me. The rain slows to a fine mist covering everything in a fine sheen of water. It makes everything farther than a couple of yards haze away leaving them to be scattered by water droplets. Opening up the sky a bit more it brings in a bit of light shining through the clouds that have now thinned out around us. 

Dancing a bit more now acting like we were toddlers and our parents are letting us play together. Holding each other’s hands, creating a circle, we are spinning with each other and splashing the water furiously. The smile that had been building for a while now graces his face even bigger as a giant goofy grin bringing light to his face. Puddles have turned into little lakes lying on the ground around us hiding the concrete from our view. They make it more exciting for us by filling our sudden bursts of energy. 

He lets go of one of my hands and from just a brief second of eye contact, I know what he wants. I spin out like we are in a movie trying my best to be as dramatic as possible. When I hit my farthest point I look at him. For a brief second, I  really look at him. His eyes are encouraging me to come back to him. So I spin back in toward him. When I land back in his arms my back is against his front and I am facing away from him.

We are overcome with giggles. The hysteria clouds my view. I laugh a deep laugh. It had been hidden until now bursting out of my lips. He is also laughing with me. I turn and jump in the puddle that is next to me a laugh once again because of how big the splash is. He starts to jump in the puddles too. I kick the water with a squeal of laughter. I am laughing so hard tears start to come out of my eyes. Tears start to stream down my face.

The rain turns into a downpour.

Soon it gets to the point where you can’t tell the difference between what is a tear and what is another passing drop of rain. The darkness surrounds us but pushes my senses to be hyper-aware. My memories come back in a flash and I remember why we were sitting here outside the house. He is at my side and envelopes me in a hug. He catches me as I begin to crumble into pieces. I grasp onto him like he is my everything. I hold onto him like he is the last bit of air left and we are running out of oxygen. To me, he is my oxygen.  He is my reason to keep breathing.

Releasing a final sob I know it is time to say goodbye.