I remembered it hurt.

Looking at those blue eyes and wishing. Wishing that those blue eyes noticed me, looked at me like I was her entire world. Those blue eyes weren’t just simple blue eyes. They were the kind that took your breath away and left your soul aching.

When I looked into her blue pools of life, I saw a mesmerizing future.  I saw the walks on the beach hand in hand, snuggles on the couch by the fireplace, playing with her hair as she talked about her problems, the failed dinner dates that left the kitchen covered with flour from a food fight. Late night drives with the windows rolled down, music blaring and singing from the top of our lungs. Waking up next to her, kissing her good morning on her forehead, brushing her hair out of her face and having breakfast in bed. I heard the whistling and shouts that accompanied our first kiss as a married couple. I heard the threats her siblings made to me to make sure I treated her right.

 I heard fireworks that light the sky on Fourth Of July as we walked along the beach at Lavallette. I heard the countdown at New Years Eve and looking at each other like no one else mattered and feeling that spark at the connection of our lips, turn into a wildfire of emotions in my heart.

I know I can't stop you from going to Dartmouth next year. It'll set you up for the rest of your life, good job, kids and husband. Your family will proud sending one of their kids to the Ivy League for sports. I can't stop you from living your best life, I want to see you happy.

 But more then anything I just wish it was with me. I wished and wished that I would be good enough for you and that you would notice just for once. The ghost of my vain attempts for you to notice my enormous crush still linger in the halls, suffocating me everyday as I remember the day you left for Dartmouth and how I was too coward to admit my feelings. How I fell for you each time I heard your voice, each time I saw your smile and every time you made your iconic puns and werid little jokes. 

The hardest part isn't even seeing you leave. It isn't seeing you happy without me, or going to one of the best colleges in the country. It's knowing that I would have never had a chance even if I confessed to you, knowing the future I had imagined in my head would never pan out. It's the battle between the heart and head every single day. Those blue eyes of yours still have my soul aching even to this day. Your smile is still ingrained into my memory, your voice is still heaven to my ears and your still the most beautiful thing I have ever had the pleasure of seeing.