I was in college at the time. I was figuring myself out, I was figuring life out. I never knew I would end up down this road. I never meant for any of this to happen. I always tried to be my best self and not let anyone else negatively influence me.

It all started out my freshman year of college. I had just moved to Michigan, all alone in a 7,000 square foot house. The house that my mom bought the day she learned that I was going to be staying in Michigan for many years. I wanted to open a small practice in this little town. It was a perfect house. Not too far out of town. The house felt colder than I thought it would be. There was no one even close to me. No neighbors or roommates.

I knew no one. Classes had just started. There were only a few other people that seemed worth my time to get to know. The people in my classes all seemed to know at least someone else. It was weeks before I met someone I saw any potential of a friendship in. I was still looking for someone that I could socialize with.

I found a girl who is intelligent. She was getting her doctorate too but in psychology. Penny became my best friend. She was your typical home town girl. She always wore her hair up to highlight her face. She knew she was beautiful and never let her insecurities show. At least not until you break down her walls. Penny had the most beautiful wavy red hair.

She is the one who set me up with Sammy, the love of my life. That’s when all my trouble began. Penny had shown me his Instagram; he was such a babe. He and I met in a quaint little coffee shop on the edge of campus. I got there first, I ordered a cappuccino. I was waiting for what felt like forever. Penny would always joke about how she would go after him if he were straight. I had really hoped that she talked me up as much as she talked him up.

When he walked in I was speechless. Normally most people look better online but he looked much better in person. I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest. When I went to stand up I tripped and fell on my face. Well not on my face, but I did fall and knocked my coffee onto the floor. Everyone saw it. I was so embarrassed. Sammy did come over to help me up. He also paid for my replacement coffee. We just clicked. I never thought that it could be that easy to get to know someone.

Things were great for a quite a while. Then finals hit, and I was so stressed out. I studied as often as I could. During an Anatomy and Physiology class the girl who sat in front of me who always smelled like pickles was talking to the girl who sat next to her about adderall. I started looking at how adderall can help students study so I found a kid that would sell me some of his extras. I started by taking half of one. I was able to stay up and focused for an extra 5 hours. I didn’t tell Sammy that I had started doing this. I didn’t want him to worry.

I started using adderall more and more. I was feeling lots of pressure from school and my new relationship. I never felt like the days were long enough until I started abusing adderall. They were like candy that kept me on my game. I was getting straight A’s and Sammy thought I was so attentive to him. This was the first time that I had tried any type of illegal substance. Those posters and ads about how dangerous drugs can be are true.

It was the end of winter term, and things with Sammy were going great. He had been staying with me in my house so that I wasn’t feeling so lonely. Trouble started that morning. Sammy and I were having breakfast. There was a knock at the door. It echoed through the house. We looked at each other with a puzzled expressions.

“Did you invite someone else over?” Sammy asked.

“No I didn’t, I thought maybe you did,” I replied.

I walked down the hallway towards the large oak door. Sammy was looking at me from the kitchen barstools. I felt like the hallway stretched on forever. There was something eerie about people knocking on my door. I lived acres from my neighbors and my driveway was almost as long as a football field. Most of the time no one bothered to come all the way out here. I finally reached the door. I looked out the glass window to the left of the door. To my surprise it was my mom. Instantly her face lit up. She looked so happy to see me.

When I looked back Sammy had disappeared upstairs. Probably to get out of his PJ’s. I unlocked the dead bolt and the handle lock. I opened the door, but it caught since I didn’t undo the chain. I got the door open and I hugged my mother.

I started the conversation, “What are you doing here?”

“Why can’t a mother come to visit her favorite son without giving notice?” she asked.

“Of course you can mother, but this is the first time you’ve stopped by all year,” I said

I knew there was something else that was going on. My mother would never just stop by without a warning. She seemed to be hiding something.

“I just want to see you. I am paying for your school and paid for this house. The least you could do after I’ve come all this way is offer me some tea,” my mother said.

“Mom, would you like some tea?”

“That would be very nice. Thank you for offering.”

I made her some peppermint tea with two sugars just the way she liked it. She was looking around, wandering through the downstairs. When she got near the stairs I got a little panicked. I hadn’t told her that I am gay let alone dating a guy. I just never thought the time was right.

“Your tea is ready.”

She came back into the kitchen. She grabbed her tea, then asked me to sit in the living room. My own living room. She was definitely up to something. I sat down first on the left side of the couch, she sat on the right.

She sipped her tea and then finally said, “Sammy, I know you’re here you can come downstairs.”

I looked at her with dismay. “How did you know I had Sammy here? How do you even know who Sammy is?”

Sammy came down the stairs looking like he was in major trouble. “I told her about us.”

“What do you mean you told her about us? That wasn’t your secret to tell. I should have gotten to tell her that I’m gay.”

“It’s not like I didn’t already know. I’ve known since you were like 5. I knew before you were even sure.” My mom was defending him. Which was nice but also very annoying. “He was concerned for your safety,” she continued.

“Um, wait a minute. Concerned for my safety? What are you even talking about?” I said in outrage.

“Son, we know about your adderall addiction. Sammy just wants you to be healthy and happy. As do I,” my mother said in a soft calming voice.

“I don’t have an addiction. I’ve never even used adderall,” I snapped at her.

“James we all know that’s not true. I found the pills in your drawer. With the technology these days it’s not hard to figure out what pills are,” Sammy added with a twinge of pain.

He didn’t want to hurt me or make me feel bad. Neither did my mother. I knew their intentions but it didn’t stop me from loathing them for ganging up on me. I couldn’t believe all of this was happening. I never thought anyone would find out about my adderall use. I never imagined my mother would be sitting in a room with my boyfriend. Agreeing with him no less. It was all too much.

“You are my baby and I will love you forever. I want you to succeed, I want you to thrive. Drugs will prevent that from happening. I have been doing research. I found a lovely rehabilitation program that allows you to go to school. I think you will really benefit from it.”

“What happens if I don’t go to the rehab center? What incentive do I have to go? I don’t think that I have a problem.”

“You know that we can’t force you,” my mother said. “I just hope that we can convince you. I want you to be okay. I never told you because I never thought that it would be important. I am an addict. A recovered one. I actually met your father when I went into the ER he was doing his internship. I guess he saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself. He helped get me sober. After the ER discharged me he took me to his house. He was so kind and didn’t expect anything from me in return.”

Both Sammy and I just sat there speechless. My mom had a single tear in her eye. I would have never guessed that was her past. I guess that was intentional.

She continued, “He got me sober. He kept me sober actually. I was living on the streets at the time. He took me in. We fell in love. At least I did. He helped me more than I ever realised.”

“Mom I never knew. What kind of rehab is the place you want me to go to?”

I still didn’t want to go. I was fine on my current path. I didn’t need help. I wasn’t hurting myself or anyone else. There are other people who need it more.

“It’s like a luxury vacation with people to keep you from doing drugs. There will be a driver that takes you to and from school. You’ll be allowed visitors including Sammy. It really won’t be that bad.”

“I will agree to take a tour of the facility. That is not saying that I will stay,” I said. Making sure that my mother knew that I was going to make my own decision about this.

The next day we toured the facility. All the staff tried to make me feel as welcome as possible. I actually really liked it there. I decided that going wouldn’t be that bad. I asked them what should be brought and what wasn’t allowed. They gave me a very specific and detailed list. Together my mother, the staff, and I decided to bring my start date would be Friday. In 3 days my life would be different.

It was finally the day. I had packed exactly what they told me. It was difficult at first. My body had become dependant on the Adderall. It got better after day 5. I got much better. They helped me a lot. Not only with the addiction but the problem under it. My time management. I started seeing a counselor. She was a huge help. I was worried about going back to my house and my normal life.

My counselor made sure that we had as many appointments booked as I wanted. She helped me figure out prioritization and how to manage my time. This has really helped me with my relationship with Sammy. He lovingly helped me through this the entire time. I thought that he would have left the day he learned I had a drug problem.

He stayed with me through my time of need. He has been accepted into my family. My mom adores him. They talk at least once a week.